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28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
What is it that has made A.C. Milan :devil: the team that in the last 18 years has won like no other :stuckup:

free adaptation from "Full Metal Jacket" :devil: ;)

Berlusconi: Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy ****ing walrus-looking piece of shit. Get the **** off of my obstacle. Get the **** down off of my obstacle. Now. Move it. I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, dear MVB, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.

Adriano Galliani: The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.

Arrigo Sacchi: These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly Red&Black Devils, walking the Earth with our tail. These Interisti we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth slaughtering.

Serginho: Are those... live rounds?
Sheva: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket.

Seedorf (the moment he signed his contract with Milan) ;) : My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming **** Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.

Arrigo Sacchi: God has a hard on for Milan, because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls. God was here before the Milan, so you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Devil.

Fabio Capello: Today you people are no longer maggots. Today you are Milanistas. You're part of a brotherhood. :devil:

Berlusconi: If you ladies leave Milanello, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of the Devilhood praying for a match. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, ****ing beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on ******s, *****, **** or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Milan. Do you maggots understand that?

Adriano Galliani: How tall are you, private?
Francesco Coco ;) : Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Adriano Galliani: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.

Mauro Tassotti: Who said that? Who the **** said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed ********** down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy ****ing godmother said it. Out-****ing-standing. I will PT you all until you ****ing die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
[grabs Francesco Coco]
Mauro Tassotti: Was it you, you scroungy little ****, huh?
Francesco Coco: Sir No Sir.
Mauro Tassotti: You little piece of shit you look like a ****ing worm, I bet it was you.

Carlo Ancelotti: Oh that's right, Thomas Helveg, don't make any ****ing effort to get to the top of the ****ing obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?

Carlo Ancelotti: Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?

Franco Baresi: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would **** a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

Berlusconi: The deadliest Footballer in the world is a Milanista and his ball. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in the game. Your ball is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become Interisti :D and then you will be in a world of shit because Milanisti are not allowed to lose without permission :D . Do you maggots understand?

Alessandro Nesta: I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three ****in' seconds, to wipe that stupid lookin' grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull **** you.

During Juve vs Milan ;)
Gattuso: Do you think I'm cute Alessandro Del Piero; do you think I'm funny?
DP: Sir, no sir!
Gattuso: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
DP: Sir, yes sir.
Gattuso: Well any ****ing time sweetheart!
DP: Sir, I'm trying sir.
Gattuso: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-****ing-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-**** you!
Gattuso: ONE! TWO! THREE!
DP: Sir, I can't help it sir.
Gattuso: Bullshit! Get on your knees scumbag.
Gattuso: Now choke yourself.
Gattuso: God dammit with my hand numb nuts.
Gattuso: Don't pull my ****ing hand over there. I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself.
Gattuso: [choking DP] Are you through grinning?
DP: Sir, yes sir.
Gattuso, I can't hear you.
DP: [Louder] Sir, yes sir.
Gattuso: Bullshit, I still can't hear you. Sound off like you've got a pair.
Gattuso: That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely **** you up.
DP: Sir, yes sir.

Gattuso: Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

Carlo Ancelotti: What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?

Paolo Maldini: Dear Ronaldo, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely **** you up.

Carlo Ancelotti: Helveg, you climb obstacles like old people ****.

Berlusconi: You will give your footie shoes a girl's name because this is the only ***** you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties are over. You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful.

Andrea Pirlo: You know there's not a single win by Inter in the last 16 years? There's definitely something wrong with that.

The enemy (Inter) ;)
Moratti: Facchetti, what is that button on your body armor?
Facchetti: A win symbol, sir.
Moratti: Where'd you get it?
Facchetti: I don't remember, sir.
Moratti: What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Facchetti: "Born Interista", :D sir.
Moratti: You write "Born Interista" on your helmet and you wear a Win button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
Facchetti: No, sir.
Moratti: You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.
Facchetti: Yes, sir.
Moratti: Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
Facchetti: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
Moratti: The what?
Facchetti: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
Moratti: Whose side are you on, son?
Facchetti: Our side, sir.
Moratti: Don't you love Inter?
Facchetti: Yes, sir.
Moratti: Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win? ;)
Facchetti: Yes, sir.
Moratti: Son, all I've ever asked of my Perdenti is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Milan, because inside every Interista there is a secret Milanista trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Facchetti: Aye-aye, sir.

Mancini: You a player?
Materazzi: I'm a combat player.
Mancini: Well you seen much combat?
Materazzi: I've seen a little on TV.
Mancini: You're a real comedian.
Materazzi: Well they call me Joker.
Mancini: Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.
Materazzi: Well pilgrim, only after you eat the peanuts out of my shit.
Mancini: You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?

Andrea Pirlo (the day he signed with Milan): I wanted to become a Devoted to the Devilhood, I wanted to meet people of an exotic and interesting culture and win with them them. I want to be the next player coming from Inter to score a confirmed win!

Sheva: A day without goal is like a day without sunshine.

Moratti: Vieri, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Vieri: Sir, no sir.
Moratti: Well Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly.
Vieri: Sir, the private said "no sir," sir.
Moratti: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit.
[Slaps Vieri]
Moratti: You goddamned communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out.

Milan Players: [chanting] This is my jersey. There are many like it but this one is mine. My jersey is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my jersey is useless. Without my jersey I am useless. I must shoot straighter than my enemy. I must shoot before he shoots. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my jersey and myself are defenders of my Milan, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of Milano. So be it, until there is no real enemy, but Inter ;) . Amen.

Materazzi: Tough break for Hand Job (Toldo). He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.
Cordoba: What was the matter with him?
Materazzi: He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Cordoba: No shit. At least ten times a day.
Materazzi: Last week he was sent down to Appiano Gentile to see the Inter head shrinker, and the crazy ****er starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.

Paolo Maldini (talking about Inter): Personally, I think, uh... they don't really want to be involved in this Scudetto. You know, I mean... they (Moratti) ;) sort of took away their will and gave it to whoever interested, you know. But they don't want it. They'd rather be Perdenti, I guess. Poor dumb losers.

Mancini: Well, if you ask me, uh, we're defending the wrong way as always.

Zanetti: You're going home now with another draw.
Mancini: Semper fi.
Zanetti: We're Interisti, sir.
Mancini: Go easy, bros.
Zanetti: Better a draw than a loss.

Billy: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Maldini: Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam - the Movie."
Crespo: Yeah, Pippo can be John Wayne. I'll be a horse.
Cafu: Gattuso can be a rock.
Gattuso: I'll be Ann-Margret.
Ambrosini: JDT can be a rabid buffalo.
Kaka: I'll be General Custer.
Billy: Well, who'll be the Indians?
Maldini: Hey, we'll let Inter play the Indians.

Ancelotti (Talking to Pirlo and Seedorf the day they were signed from Inter): I am Carlo Ancelotti, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits: Sir, yes sir!
Ancelotti: Bullshit I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.
Recruits: SIR, YES SIR!

Mancini: What's your excuse?
Toldo: Sir, excuse for what Sir?
Mancini: I'm asking the ****ing questions here private. Do you understand?
Toldo: Sir, yes Sir.
Mancini: Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?
Toldo: Sir, yes Sir.

[Freezing Cold Song]
Moratti: I don't know but I been told...
Squad: I don't know but I been told...
Moratti: Eskimo ***** is mighty cold.
Squad: Eskimo ***** is mighty cold.
Moratti: MMM, good...
Squad: MMM, good...
Moratti: Tastes good...
Squad: Tastes Good...
Moratti: Feels Good.
Squad: Feels good.

Moratti: What's your name fat-body?
Mihailovic: Sir, Sinisa Mihailovic, Sir.
Paolo Maldini: [after hitting Lehman :D ] You little scumbag. I got your name, I got your ass. You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet. You had best un-**** yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck.

Adriano Galliani: Believe it or not, but under fire, Bogarde can be a wonderful human being. All he needs is somebody throwing grenades at him 'til the end of his life.

Ancelotti: Holy Jesus! What the **** is that? What is that, Esajas?
Esajas: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
Ancelotti: A jelly doughnut? How did it get here?
Esajas: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
Ancelotti: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Esajas?
Esajas: Sir, no, sir!
Ancelotti: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Esajas?
Esajas: Sir, no, sir!
Ancelotti: And why not, Private Pyle?
Esajas: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Ancelotti: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Esajas! Why the **** did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Esajas?
Esajas: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...
[turns and addresses rest of the squad]
Ancelotti: Esajas has dishonored himself and dishonored the squad. I have tried to help Esajas. I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not given Esajas the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Esajas ****s up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! GET DOWN!
[rest of soldiers get in front-leaning-rest position, Ancelotti turns to Esajas]
Ancelotti: They're paying for it, YOU eat it!

Galliani: What's your name, scumbag?
Lehman: Sir, Lehman, sir.
Galliani: Bullshit. From now on your name is Disaster. Do you like your new name?
Lehnan: Sir, yes, sir.
Galliani: Well I'll tell you one thing you won't like, Disaster: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.

[being interviewed]
Gattuso: What do I think about Milan's involvement in the CL? We should win it. :D

[when Francesco Coco is on the obstacle course]
Mancini: Get your fat ass up there! I'll bet if there was some ***** up there you would get up there, wouldn't you?
Francesco: Sir, yes sir!

Galliani: Pirlo why did you join my beloved Milan?
Pirlo (first day in Milan): Sir, to win sir.
Galliani: So you're a winner?
Pirlo: Sir, yes sir.
Galliani: Let me see your win face.
Pirlo: Sir?
Galliani: You got a win face? AHHHHHHHH! That's a win face. Now let me see your win face.
Pirlo: Ahh!
Galliani: Bullshit you didn't convince me. Let me see your real winface.
Pirlo: Ahhhh!
Galliani: You don't scare me; work on it.
Pirlo: Sir, yes sir! (He eventually did ;) )

......to be continued :stuckup:


17,142 Posts
Standing ovation :stuckup::devil:

Loved it all, but the best part was :stuckup::jester: :jester::jester: :howler:

The enemy (Inter)
Moratti: Facchetti, what is that button on your body armor?
Facchetti: A win symbol, sir.
Moratti: Where'd you get it?
Facchetti: I don't remember, sir.
Moratti: What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Facchetti: "Born Interista", sir.
Moratti: You write "Born Interista" on your helmet and you wear a Win button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke? :stuckup: :jester::howler:
Facchetti: No, sir.
Moratti: You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.
Facchetti: Yes, sir.
Moratti: Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
Facchetti: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
Moratti: The what?
Facchetti: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
Moratti: Whose side are you on, son?
Facchetti: Our side, sir.
Moratti: Don't you love Inter?
Facchetti: Yes, sir.
Moratti: Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?

Facchetti: Yes, sir.
Moratti: Son, all I've ever asked of my Perdenti is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Milan, because inside every Interista there is a secret Milanista trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over. :stuckup::proud: :thmbup:
Facchetti: Aye-aye, sir.

MAY GOD BLESS :jester: HIM :jester: :stuckup::devil:

This last highlighted part is one for posterity!:stuckup: A truly magestic signature material!:stuckup: If you don't mind Presidente, I'll replace the quote referring to that young man's extreme act of courage of picking an Inter win in Sienna :lala: with that part!:stuckup::devil:

This thread is not only the best and most hilarious thing I have read of the year, but also in the whole goddam history of Xtratime!:stuckup::devil: :jester::howler: Sir, Yes Sir!:stuckup::howler:

Billy: Well, who'll be the Indians?
Maldini: Hey, we'll let Inter play the Indians.
:howler::howler: :howler::howler: :jester:


P.S. Now, after a more careful read of this masterful post by :star: Presidente :star: I am confused as it contains a wealth of outstanding signature materials. :confused: Which one should I use? How about this:
All the members of the XTMMFC chose one line from this chef d'oeuvre?:stuckup: :devil:

28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 · (Edited)
Ladies :stuckup: much to kind of you ;)

free adaptation from "The Matrix" ;)

Moratti :jester: : I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without draws, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible, even for Inter to finally win ;) . Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.

Moratti: Why do my eyes hurt? ;)
Galliani: You've never used them before. :eekani:

Galliani: There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. ;)

Galliani: Have you ever had a dream, Massimo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? :D

Seedorf ;) : I'd like to share a revelation that I've had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually as everbody else. Every team on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you Interisti do not ;) . You continously sign new players, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to yet again sign other players even threw devastating swaps ;) . There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus know as the "We never win Virus" ;) . Interisti are a disease, a laughter of this planet, you are a plague, even though a funny plague :D and we are the cure ;) .

Galliani: What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with Inter. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. ;)

Galliani: Throughout the last few years, we have been dependent on Inter to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. ;)


28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
.....Batman :strong:

Galliani: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter? :D

Moratti: I've been dead once already; it's very liberating. You might think of it as... therapy. :eek:

Moratti: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Zio Fester :D .

Vieri: Hello, Massimo. It's your uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!

Seedorf (leaving Inter): I have little desire to spend my few remaining years grieving for the losses and draws.

Maurizio Ganz: Decent professionals shouldn't play here; they'd be happier someplace else.

Mancini: You're insane!
Vieri: I thought I was a Pisces!

Moratti: [reciting his poem to Facchetti] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.

Maldini: Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light? :devil:

Galliani: Appiano Gentile. Always brings a smile to my face. :happy:

Moratti: Some people think you're as dangerous as Cuper.
Mancini: He's psychotic.
Moratti: Some people say the same about you.
Mancini: What people?
Moratti: Well, face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?
Mancini: This isn't exactly a normal club, is it?

Tardelli: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile. :happy:

Moggi: I'm going to sell you!
Del Piero: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try. :eek:

Moggi: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is Bertini? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!

Facchetti: What do you want?
Moratti: My face on the one Euro bill.
Facchetti: You must be joking.
Moratti: Do I look like I'm joking? :stuckup:

Galliani: New and improved Zio Fester products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex. :D

[Moratti is primping in front of a mirror.]
Facchetti: You look fine.
Moratti: I didn't ask. :stuckup:

Mancini: Well, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until a new coach resurfaces, I'm the acting Trainer, and I say "we run the club into the ground."

Moratti: What's with that stupid grin?
Galliani: Life's been good to me. :D

Moratti: It's time to retire! Feel free to drop in! ;)


28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 · (Edited)
Free adaptation from "A Beautiful Mind" ;)

Zio Fester: So what's your story? You the poor kid that never got to go to Manchester?
Moratti: Despite my privileged upbringing, I'm actually quite well-balanced. I have a chip on both shoulders. ;)

Mancini: There has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad this tie is. ;)

Costacurta: So how about it, Del Piero? You scared?
DP: Terrified... mortified... petrified... stupefied... by you. ;)

Simoni (Siena's trainer that recently drawed with his former club Inter, talking with Mancini prior to that match): I find your tactics very attractive. Your assertiveness tells me that you feel the same way about me. But ritual remains that we must do a series of platonic actions before we can have Inter draw :D . But all I really want to do is to have a goal scoring draw with you as soon as possible. ;)

Moratti: There's no such thing as "for sure". That's the only sure thing I do know. :D

Galliani (Talking to Moratti): I've made the most important discovery of my life. It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you. You're the only reason I am... you're all the reasons I am. ;)

Del Piero: I need to believe, that something extraordinary is possible. ;)

Galliani: [to Moratti] You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons. ;)

Ancelotti (talking about Billy Costacurta): Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart. :shades:

Kaka: A truly original idea. Is the only way that will ever distinguish myself. It is the only way I will ever matter. :star:

Wenger: Lehman, does our relationship warrant long-term commitment? I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data.
Lehman: I'm sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my Goalkeepish notions of romance. :D

Moratti: How many ways of never winning silverware exist?
Facchetti: Infinite.
Moratti: How do you know?
Facchetti: I know because all the data indicates it's infinite.
Moratti: But it hasn't been proven yet.
Facchetti: No.
Moratti: Have we experimented them all yet :D .
Facchetti: No.
Moratti: How do you know for sure?
Facchetti: I don't, I just believe it.
Moratti: It's the same with drawing I guess. ;)

Tardelli: [about the Tennis match] I once tried to count them all. I, actually, made it to 6.
Zanetti: You are exceptionally gifted.
Tardelli: I bet you're still very popular with Milan.

Mazzone (prior to Inter vs Bologna 2-2 talking on the phone with Mancini): I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have Inter draw with Bologna. But could we assume that I said all that. I mean essentially we are talking about goals exchange right? So could we go just straight to the point. ;)

Wenger (talking to Mourinho and Ferguson): If we all go for the Champions League and block each other, not a single one of us is going to win it anyway ;) . So then we go for the UEFA CUP, but the fans will all give us the cold shoulder because no on likes the UEFA Cup cause looked upon as a second choice. But what if none of us goes even for the UEFA Cup? We won't get in each other's way and so we won't insult each other. It's the only way to win. It's the only way we get to share Fa Cup, the League Cup and EPL ;) .

Mancini: You wanted to see if I was crazy and would screw everything up if I actually won. :D

[Giraudo is concerned about Moggi still having hallucinations of Juve's bad record in CL's Finals]
Giraudo: They are my past too. Everyone is haunted by their past.

Moratti: God must be a a Football Fanatic. Why else would we have so many trainers? ;)

Moratti: Mancini! Who's drawing--you, or you?

Facchetti: It looks like we've won after all.
Moratti: No. They were wrong, Giacinto. No one wins. ;)

Moratti: [to Giacinto Facchetti] I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them. Like a diet of the mind, I just choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for swap deals; perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream. :D

Moratti: Mancini. It you Mancio, isn't it?
Mancini: Why yes, Massimo, it is.
Moratti: I assume you've gotten used to miscalculation. I read your pre-prints of the 2 possible starting lineups for the next match. Both of 'em. And I'm convinced there wasn't one seminal or innovative idea in either one of them.... ;)


28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
free adaptation from "The Big Chill" ;)

Galliani: I know that Moratti will always be faithful to me.
Berlusconi: That's nice. Trust.
Galliani: I own his soul. ;)

Capello: Do you think we're all trying trying to avoid dealing with Alex (Del Piero)? You know, every time it comes up somebody changes the subject.
Moggi: Hey! It's a dead subject. ;)

Moratti: So how's your life?
Galliani: Oh, great. How's yours?
Moratti: Not so great.
Galliani: Ohhh, we're telling the truth.

Capello (talking to a few Juve players): You set your priorities straight and that's what a game is. I wonder if your friend Alex (Del Piero) knew that, one thing's for sure, he couldn't handle it. I know I shouldn't talk about him, you guys know him. It's just that,.. no one ever said he would be that useless, at least...no one ever said it to me.

Maldini: You remind me of Lehman.
Dida: I ain't him.:D

Mancini: Everyone does everything just to get a draw.
Moratti: Who said that? Freud?
Mancini: No, I did. :stuckup:

Maldini: So, you and Pirlo both played with Inter?
Seedorf: Yeah we were their for a couple of seasons.
Maldini: Oh God! It must have been awful!
Seedorf: It was, it was a real mess. :D


28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Blade Runner :shades:

Dida (facing Trezeguet during the penaty shootout in CL Final 2002/03): C'mon, Trez. I'm right here. All you gotta do is shoot straight.
[Trez shoots and misses]
Dida: Straight doesn't seem to be good enough! ;)

Sheva: Not very sporting to fire on an unarmed opponent. I thought you were supposed to be good. Aren't you the "good" man? C'mon, Materazzi. Show me what you're made of.

Ancelotti: I need ya, Billy. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic. :shades:

Materazzi: They don't advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop. Ex-blade runner. Ex-killer.

Mancini: Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?
Vieri: Like what?
Mancini: Well... well, like to get this job. I mean, did... did you do, or... or were you asked to do anything lewd... or unsavory, or... or, otherwise repulsive to your... your person, huh?
Vieri: [Laughs] Are you for real? :D

Moratti: The report read "Routine retirement of a replicant." That didn't make me feel any better about firing another trainer ;) .

Moratti: You're in Inter's training facility, walking along when -
Giacinto Facchetti: Witch training facility?
Moratti: What?
Facchetti: We have many?
Moratti: Doesn't matter let's say Appiano Gentile, it's completely hypothetical.
Facchetti: Well, how come I'd be there?
Moratti: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you just wanted to get away from it all. Anyway. You're in Appiano Gentile, walking along when you look down and you see Francesco Coco, Giacinto. He's crawling toward you. :D
Facchetti: Why is he crawling?
Moratti: You know how Coco is?
Facchetti: 'Course!
Moratti: So you reach down and flip Coco over on its back, Giacinto.
Facchetti: With all due respect, you make up these questions, Max? Or do they write 'em down for you? :D
Moratti: Coco lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating his legs and arms trying to turn ihimselfself over but he can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
Moratti: I mean you're not helping, Giacinto. :stuckup:

Berlusconi: "More human than human" is our motto. :stuckup:

Cuper (speaking at the annual former Inter trainers Convention): All I wanted were the same answers the rest of us wanted, where have I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? :stuckup:

Moggi: You've done a man's job, Bertini (Juve vs Milan ref)! I guess you are through?
Bertini: Finished. :stuckup:

Wenger: Do you like our CL Cup up their on the shelve?
Cygan: Is it artificial?
Wenger: Of course it is.
Cygan: Must be expensive.
Wenger: Very.
Cygan: I'm Cygan.
Wenger: I know you idiot.
Cygan: It seems you feel my work is not a benefit to the cuase.
Wenger: And that's a understatement :stuckup:

Facchetti: Can I ask you a personal question?
Moratti: Sure.
Facchetti: Have you ever signed a trainer by mistake?
Moratti: Always.
Rachael: But in your position it's a risk. :D

Florentino Perez: I'm not in the business. I am the business. ;)

Moratti: But for Inter winning :D I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

Adriano: I was quite when I come in here, Bryant, I'm twice as quite now. ;)

Ancelotti (Talking about Gattuso): You could learn from this guy Dhorasoo. He's a God damned one-man slaughterhouse, that's what he is. Seven more to go! ;)

Moratti (talking to Materazzi): That was irrational of you... not to mention unsportsmanlike.

Gattuso: We're not computers, Kaka, we're physical. :stuckup:

Ancelotti: [trying to convince Berlusconi that the X'Mas tree formation is cool] Six! Seven! Go to Hell or go to Heaven!
[Berlusconi smashes an iron rod against Carletto's head :eek: ]
Berlusconi: You're dead!
Ancelotti: [grabbing the iron rod] That's the spirit. :D

Moratti: We've got a lot in common.
Florentino Perez: What do you mean?
Moratti: Similar problems.
Perez: Accelerated decrepitude ;)

28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
free adaptation from "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" :stuckup:
subtitle "Max heads to Via Turati" :excited:

Massimo Moratti (from now on Max :shades: ): You see, boys forget what their team means by just reading The Land of the Deamon in books. Then they get to be men they forget even more. Liberty's too precious a thing to be buried in books, Mr Facchetti. Men should hold it up in front of them every single day of their lives and say: I'm free to think and to speak. My ancestors couldn't, I can, and my children will. Boys ought to grow up remembering that. Forza Milan :excited: :stuckup: :excited:

Giacinto Facchetti: Either I'm dead right, or I'm crazy!

[the filibuster begins]
Lele Oriali: The Chair recognizes... Massimo Moratti!
Max: Thank you, sir.
Facchetti: Diz, here we go.
Max: Well, I guess the gentlemen are in a pretty tall hurry to get me out of here. The way the evidence has piled up against me, I can't say I blame them much. And I'm quite willing to go, sir, when they vote it that way -- but before that happens I've got a few things I want to say to this body. I tried to say them once before, and I got stopped colder than a mackerel. And as a matter of fact, I'm not going to leave this body until I do get them said.
Lele Oraili: Mr. Facchetti, will Mr Moratti yield?
Facchetti: Will Mr Moratti yield?
Max: No, sir, I'm afraid not, no sir. I yielded the floor once before, if you can remember, and I was practically never heard from again. No sir. And we might as well all get together on this yielding business right off the bat, now. Now, I had some pretty good coaching last night, and I find that if I yield only for a question or a point of order or a personal privilege, that I can hold this floor almost until doomsday. In other words, I've got a piece to speak, and blow hot or cold, I'm going to speak it.
Facchetti: Will Mr Moratti yield?
Lele Oriali: Mr Moratti yield?
Max: Yield how, sir?
Lele Oriali: Will he yield for a question?
Max: For a question.

Lele Oriali: I wish to ask my distinguished colleague, has he one scrap of evidence to add now to the defense he did not give and could not give at that same hearing?
Moratti: I have no defense against personal feelings!
Lele Oriali: The Committee ruled otherwise! The gentleman stands guilty, as charged. And I believe I speak for every member when I say that no one cares to hear what a man of his condemned character has to say about any section of any explanation before this House.
Facchetti: Order, order, gentlemen.
Max: Mr. Oriali, I stand guilty as FRAMED! Because section 40 is graft! And I was ready to say so, I was ready to tell you that a certain man in my state, a Mr. Adriano Galliani wanted to put through this dam for my own profit. A man who controls a great club! And controls everything else worth controlling in my team ;) . Yes, and a man even powerful enough to control Mancini ;) -- and I saw three of them (Adriano, Stankovic and Recoba) in his room the day I went up to see him :D !
Lele Oriali: Will Mr Moratti yield?
Max: No, sir, I will not yield! And this same man, Mr. Adriano Galliani, came down here and offered me a seat in his team, the highest seat possible, the Chairmanship :D for the next 20 years if I devoted at once my soul to the Devil :devil: and I knew, that was what I always desired ;) . I could not refuse.
Mancini: [dictating into phone] In protest, the whole Squad body rose and walked out cause they too want to join Milan :D .
Max: No! No, not that all of them. Now listen, Materazzi and Cruz ought to stay here! Understand?
Lele Oraili (talking to Facchetti :D ): You love this Max -- don't you?
Facchetti: What do your told? Now listen, go to work. Do as he told you give Milan Adriano in exchange for Borriello. ;)
Lele Oriali: [into phone] Throw out that last, take this. This is the most titanic battle of modern times. A David without even a slingshot rises to do battle against the mighty Goliath, the Max machine, allegedly Milanista inside and out. Yeah, and for my money, you can cut out the "allegedly."

Zio Fester (talking with Max): Just get up off the ground, that's all you need to do. Get up there on top of Milanello's roof, stand up for liberty. Take a look at this country through her eyes if you really want to see something. And you won't just see scenery; you'll see the whole parade of what the Devil carved out for himself, win after win. Fighting for something better than just jungle law, fighting so as he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent, like he was created, no matter what his race, color, or creed. That's what you'd see. There's no place out there for graft, or greed, losses or draws ;) . And, uh, if that's what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we'd better get those boys' camps started fast and see what the kids can do. And it's not too late, because this team is bigger than the Perdentis, or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here; you just have to see them again and again!
Max: Forza Milan :stuckup: :shades: :stuckup:


28,161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 · (Edited)
free adaptation from Matrix Reloaded :devil:

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Maldini: You! (Billy has just extended his stay in Milan for another season ;) )
Billy: Yes, me.
Maldini: Me... me... me...
Billy: Me too. :devil:

Adriano: You told me never to get on join Inter. You said it was suicide.
Cafu: Then let us hope that you may join us one day. ;)

Ancelotti: Not everyone believes what you do Paolo.
Maldini: My beliefs do not require them to. ;)

Maldini: So we need Milan, and Milan needs us. Is that your point?
Billy: No, no point. Old men like me don't bother in making points. There is no point.
Maldini: Is that why there are hardly no young men in the squad?
Billy: Good point.

Moratti: We are getting aggravated.
Facchetti: Yes, we are.

Coloccini: Oh God!
Billy: Billy will suffice. ;)

Dhorasoo: French is the best language to swear in.
[stream of curses]
Gattuso: It's like wiping your ass with silk.

Zio fester: Milan has many enemies, I had to be sure.
Seedorf: Of what?
Zio Fester: That you were The One.
Seedorf: You could've just asked.

Zio Fester (Galliani): Hello Masx (Moratti).
Max: Who are you?
Zio Fester: I am the Architect. I created the Meravigliosi :cool: . I have been waiting for you. You have many questions and although the process has altered your consciousness you remain irrevocably human, ergo some of my answers you will understand and some of them you will not ;) . Concordantly, while your first question maybe the most pertinent you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant ;) .

The Teammaker (Ancelotti) speaking to Dhorasoo: I've been waiting for you. :cool:

Zio Fester: You are here because Inter is about to be destroyed. Its every living supporter tconverted :devil: , its entire existence eradicated.
Crespo: Bullshit!
[The monitors respond the same]
Zio Fester: Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it ;) (Pirlo, Seedorf, Ganz,Coco, Guly and Brncic :eek: :D :eekani: ), and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. ;)

Coco: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.
Zio fester: We won't. ;)

Morattti: But if you already know, how can I make a choice?
zio fester: Because you didn't come here to make a choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it. :D

Coco: I have dreamed a dream, but now that dream is gone from me. :lala:

Billy: So, let's get the obvious stuff out of the way.
Coloccini: You're not human, are you?
Billy: Well, it's harder to get much more obvious than that. :devil:

Zio Fester (Talking with Max Moratti :strong: ): It seems that every time we meet, I have nothing but bad news. I'm sorry about that, I truly am. But for what it's worth, you've made a believer out of me. Good luck, Max. ;)

Coloccini: Are there other programs like you?
Billy: Oh, well, not like me. But... look, see those birds? At some point a program was written to govern them. A program was written to watch over the trees, and the wind, the sunrise, and sunset. There are programs running all over the place. The ones doing their job, doing what they were meant to do, are invisible. You'd never even know they were here. But the other ones, well, we hear about them all the time.
Coloccini: I've never heard of them.
Billy: Oh, of course you have. Every time you've heard someone say they saw a ghost, or an angel. Every story you've ever heard about vampires, werewolves, or aliens, is the system assimilating some program that's doing something they're not supposed to be doing. ;)

Max Moratti: I hate sleeping. I figured, I've slept the first eleven years of my life at Inter, so now I'm just making up for it. ;)

Maldini: Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again. :devil:

Moratti: If it were up to me, you'd never step foot in another team!
Adriano: Then I am grateful, Commander, that it is not up to you. ;)

Coco: We do what we are meant to do.
Mancini: Then you are meant for one more thing: deletion.

(after watching Billy stop both Del Piero and Ibra in Delle Alpi)
Coloccini: Okay, you have some skill.

Materazzi (after the Euroderby ;) ): I killed you, Sheva. I watched you die.... with some satisfaction, I might add. Then something happened- something I thought would be impossible, but it happened anyway. You destroyed me, Sheva. Afterwards, I was aware of the rules. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't. I was compelled to stay- compelled to disobey. And right now, here I stand because of you, Sheva. Because of you, I'm no longer an Agent of this system. Because of you, I'm unplugged. A new man, sort of speak- like you. Apparently free.
Sheva: Congratulations.
Materazzi: Thank you. :star:

Moratti: [to Mancini] Still using all the players except the one that matters?
[points to head]

Dida (during the penalty shootout for CL 2oo3): Trez eh :devil:
Trez: You already know how I'm going to take it?
Dida: Wouldn't be much of an Penalty killer if I didn't. :devil:

(to Pirlo&Seedorf)
Zio Fester: If you can't beat us...
Ancelotti: ...join us! ;)

Mancini: Why are you here?
Burdisso: Same reason as you. I love suffering.

Moratti (greating new players): Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

Emre: We're not here because we're free, we're here because we're not free. There is no escaping this system.

Coloccini: Where's Billy?
Ancelotti: Doin' his Superman thing.

Del Piero: You do not truly know someone until you fight him.

Adriani: I'm looking for Zio Fester. You see, theyset me free... ;)

Zio Fester: You see, the good thing about being me, is that there are so many me's. :devil:

(a few seasons back)
Roque Junior: Hiya, fellas. :jester:
Maldini: It's him.
Billy: The anomaly.
Maldini: Do we proceed?
Billy: Yes...
Maldini: ...he is still...
Billy: ...only human. ;)
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