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We have heard million false and funny articles from the english press.Now,I'll start off a competition.Whoever manages to make an article similar to the english press will win...nothing of course,we do it for fun! :)

I'll be the first one:

Man Utd in dramatic italian duo swoop

Manchester United boss Alex Ferguson is expected to complete the dramatic swoop for Juventus star duo Alessndro Del Piero and Edgar Davids who are valued at £10m and £8m respectively.Our sources in Turin claim that the English Champions will make a tempting £5m plus Andy Cole bid which the Turin giants will find impossible to refuse.Alessandro Del Piero seems reluctant to leave Juventus for United because of the harsh competition he will face at old Trafford where the likes of Ole Gunar Solskjaer,Teddy Sheringham and Dwight Yorke seem to be a rather hard task to overhill for the Italian star.However,we understand that Edgar Davids has no problem watsoever to sit on United's bench since he realises that Roy Keane,Paul Scholes and Nicky Butt are commanding figures at central midfield.The dutch midfield machine was quoted as saying: "I'm extremelly flattered by United's interest.We had a meeting with Sir Alex and he declared that I wont be first choice in every game.I dont mind though because even sitting on the bech of such a legendary club is an honor for every football player,besides,I'm not aware of any football able to complete good enough with such talented players like Roy Keane,Paul Scholes and Nicky Butt.I'm looking forward to the transfer and I'm sure I wont let Sir alex and the United fans down".Both transfers are expected to go through in the next two weeks.

Ok,I hope it was a nice try...now,give me your "articles". :)
 

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ManU purchase Barcelona duo

In a surprise move this week Manchester United have managed to secure the signatures of 2 prominant International superstars. The first is Rivaldo, who is fresh off of a stellar 3 season stint with Catalan minnows Barcelona. Manu offered £5m plus midfield dynamo Nicky Butt to the Catalans.
Rivaldo is expected to play in a squad rotation system and was flattered to have the oppurtunity to play for the premier team in the worlds strongest league. The superstar was quoted as saying "To be sold to any club is quite irritating..but then again Man United is not just any club"

The second star United have landed is Portuguese marvel Luis Figo. The Figo deal was worth a reported £7m plus the services of all-world keeper Mark Bosnich. Rumour has it that when Figo was informed about his imminent transfer he was jumping with glee. These were his words
"I am ecstatic at the propect of joining ManU. I seek to improve my skills against the strong clubs in the English Premier league. I feel that England, not Italy, is the best place for me to better my skills."

Both deals were surprising largely due to the fact that ManU have already completed the signings of French international Zinedine Zidane and Ukrainian superstar Andrei Shevchenko. Both Figo and Rivaldo are expected to be in Manchester tommorow.
 

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Figo to Lazio !
 
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MAN UTD.2000-01-02-03-...........?

Starting line up of MU:BARTHEZ,THURAM,BLANC,STAM,R.CARLOS
,BECKHAM,KEANE,RIVALDO,GIGGS,DEL PIERO,RONALDO...
RESERVES:DAVIDS,FIGO,VIEIRA,KLUIVERT,SHEVCHENKO,SCHOLES AND
THE OTHERS...THEY ARE COMING TO ENGLAND!!!THEY BEAT EVERYONE
IN THE WORLD!!!THEY ARE PLAYING IN PREMIER LEAGUE ...??
PLAYERS-Premier league!Is it a joke I don't want to play there because I love football.
MAN.UTD-We must play there because we are English.
PLAYERS-English,are you English..!!!Is it a joke I don't want to play for English because I love football,too...
 

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Ok well i don't think I'm very good at making up team talk bull s*** very well :) so I won't bother for now!!

But seriously Amo, pick the best one of em all and email it to team talk :)

FORZALAZIO!
 
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I think this one is a real article...but its funny..I had to post it..someone on inter forum posted this...




UNITED KEEN ON ZANETTI
by Adam Marshall

EXCLUSIVE
MANCHESTER UNITED are planning a move for Inter star Javier Zanetti, one of the classiest performers in Serie A last season and a player of undoubted quality.

Sir Alex Ferguson is an admirer of the versatile midfielder, who would cost in the region of £11 million, and the word is that he is exploring the possibility of bringing the Argentinian international to Old Trafford.

Barcelona have also been intent on signing the 26-year-old, who played 34 times in Serie A last term, particularly during Louis van Gaal's tenure, but discussions have already taken place between Inter and United officials.

The Italians were determined to use Ferguson's interest to try and sign one of United's star men, probably Paul Scholes who has been linked in England with a massive £31 million move to San Siro, but the Premiership champions have made it clear that they are only interested in a straight-cash offer for Zanetti.

Massimo Moratti has indicated that the man who scored against England in the 1998 World Cup can move on, for the right price, and United will fight both Barca and Real Madrid in a bid to land at least one truly world class outfield player this summer.

Zanetti, who has spent the past five seasons in Italy, has previously expressed a preference for moving to Camp Nou, but Ferguson may be able to land his man if his timing is right, even without losing Scholes or another of his key performers as a consequence.

p.s. compare the value of Zanetti vs. Scholes...


Hehe...these guys are idiots..
 

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j. Cruijf extend contract.

Jordi supprisingly extended his contract, Fergie promised him a more active roll and a huge pay rise.

Jordi will start all games in the CL and the FA cup also he will be the first sub to Giggs and Beckham in th PL.

Last days Southampton, Villa and West HAm were all intersted but he chose for Spanish club ALaves but before he signed the contract he changed his mind.

Jordi was said quoting'it's great to stay at the biggest club in the world, i am also ready for some more action!'

Fergie was very pleased and he said Jordi might be a key-figure to win the treble again...'
 

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Manchester United the most popular team in Xtratime

The English Champion Manchester United has been voted as the most popular team of Xtratime soccerforums. In a vote completed last Sunday, United got a landslide victory with an 80 per cent share. "United has been my favourite club since the 1999 Champions League Final, although I since have started to like Real Madrid a lot too.", said a rookie who wanted to remain anonymous. He continues:"Beckham is so cute, he's the main reason for me liking the team". When asked about Beckham's new hairdo, the rookie answered "New hairdo? What new hairdo?".
 

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Hehe, good one AMO! :)

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Man Utd have made an offer for Real Madrid striker
Raul Blanco Gonzales, an offer Sanz finds very difficult to refuse. "Find me one president who would turn down this offer!" Sanz said. Man Utd have made this bid for Raul:

2£million + and even OLE GUNNAR SOLSKJÆR, topscorer in united the last seasons.

Raul is said to be very keen on moving to Manchester, "Who wouldnt play for the greatest football club on earth? Playing among stars like Andy Cole and Paul Scholes could help me develope even more."

Martin Edwards, president of Man Utd, says they are ready to offer Dennis Irwin as well.

The clubs are in negotation and it all looks to go through. "Both parts earns on this deal" Edwards said. "Yes, Ole Gunnar replacing Raul and Dennis Irwin taking over for Roberto Carlos is excellent + and dont forget we have 2£millions to pay our debts with!" Del Bosque said excited.

Raul is expected to be in Manchester next week, Solskjær and Irwin will have a rather difficult time leaving Manchester United F.C the most prestigous club ever.

--

The end, man I really hate Utd :) Our stories probably will be on the Utd homepages soon :)
 

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English titans Manchester Utd make a move to replace their aging wingers...!


In the latest story that swept across Europe yesterday, English giants - Manchester Utd have reportedly bid an outrageous 2 mln pounds for the services of two aging Real Madrid wingers ---> Miguel Angel Salgado and Roberto Carlos da Silva. In excahnge plus the money of course, Real are to recieve a real bargain --> arguably Premiershi(t)s finest in the Neville brothers and the always young and frisky Dennis Irwin. Could Sanz(Reals president) have said no!? Really, Alex Ferguson must have had a real great day, to offer three outstanding players and agree to get only two! We have a lot of respect toward sir Alex, but it seems this time he has gone overboard! Who are Salgado and Carlos many of you Englishman may ask? Well, that's the same question we're asking ourselves! The first is completely unknown to the world, an absolute joke compared to Premiershi(t)s Gary Neville, who after having his balls masacred in the international against Poland last october, seems to be back to his best. EURO 2000 was a great example of that, where we dare to say, he was Englands only star(!). I find it very hard to believe Miguel (Michel?) can take his place as Manchesters no 1 right winger. Carlos may be slightly more known to the world, than Salgado, but he has his years now too. Some years back he reportedly scored a lucky strike in an international against France, that's all we can say for now, more info on it's way tommorow, so be sure to buy our paper! Furthermore in exchange for this Brazilian migget, sir Alex has offered one of footballs legends on the British Isles - Phillip Neville - a true hero for his team and country. No one will forget his desperate dive in order to stop Romanian cheat Moldovan from scoring. Although he took the ball clean as a whistle, for some reason referee Collina, known for disgraceful calls, made yet another blunder - gave a penalty, that took England out. Still his country owes him a lot of gratitude for that attempt, because had it not been he, the goal was imminent and his tackel was still perfect, only the ref wasn't. Baring those FACTS in mind, this is a Real Deal for Real. But that's not where the absurdness ends! oh no, like we said Irwin is alos part of the bargain - Irish international superstar, young, quick and agile as ever arguably was the deciding point in this whole bid. Everyone knows his undoubtable talent in scoring penalties, the rest of his game is no secret either to the rest of Europe.

We have been able to contact the Brazilian in Madrid where he told us this: "wow! (here he cries), I am amazed. Manchester United! (another big blow of the handkerchief). When i heard this I thought I was dreaming! The Premiershi(t)! I still can't believe it, I always wanted to play in the best league in the world, and now i have the opportunity to be in the best team and play for the best manager. I'm overwhelmed. Sir Alex even took the time to call me and guaranteed me, I'd be given the chance to play, he said he'd rotate me with their other left back - Martin DeMoine from the youth team. What could I have said? A chance to rotate with the great DeMoine? I agreed immediately.
Unfortunately the other shock signing was unavailable to comment, reports said he landed in the hospital with a minor stroke after hearing the news. This only increases our worries about his age.
Sanz was wouted saying:" Por favor, el piojo gustavo menaplecente del mundo cbsdfi", unfortunately we still have no idea what it means, although we assure you it's something good about Manchester and our great league.

That's that for now, more news is on it's way tommorow, so stay tuned. Recapping though, it looks like our glorious Premiershi(t) is losing three of its finest and replacing them will be two Spanish bozos. But let's not be so harsh still, they may make the firt team and play some minutes in Manchesters attempt to regain the treble next season, taken away after all so unfairly by Real Madrid themselves last April in a disgraceful night at Old Trafford, where all the calls were going against Permiershi(t)s pride. It seems that game had a big impact on sir Alex, perhaps he lost his head after that game and that's why he made this outrageous bid. Our top secret reports also suggest Real Madrids great Bodo Illgenr was part of the bid. Had he come, all this would've been even acceptable, unfortunately Ferguson backed of, when Sanz threatened to close the deal and now we're left with this pretty glim looking exchange. Let's not lose faith though in our Ferguson, he's been here always and maybe he can force Illgner into being part of the deal afterall. That is our last hope, because, fogive me - Roberto Carlos da Silav and Michel Salgado doesn't sound to good to me, and it certainly isn't going to help the level of play in the elite Premiershi(t). Stay tuned people, Manchester United Daily will update this new breakthrough as it comes...



Now that's what I call being objective :D:D
 

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Funny real rumour!
Amo, true to you statement, the English press today are reporting that Inter are interested in £30 million Scholes! This gave me a laugh!

Strange but false would be:
Aston Villa to sign a player this summer!

Kafka, like the popularity vote there, you could become a propaganda spin king with these types of articles in a corrupt country, like Britain for a start! :)
 

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From the English tabloid "The Moon":

MAN UTD IN BUYING MOOD
by Frank Liar

Manchester United have completed yesterday the most expensive deal in their history by splashing out a record £15 millions to buy three Lazio players. Man Utd's manager Alex Ferguson commented: "I know this is a huge fee, but I think those players somehow are worth it. I'm very disappointed they sold Dario Marcolin before we bought them, he's one of my favourite players and we could well have done another good move in the line of those of Mikael Silvestre and Massimo Taibi. After all, we have along tradition of buying excellent players from the Italian league".

On the other hand, Lazio president Sergio Cragnotti is very happy about this deal and said: "Bids like that of Man Utd doesn't come evry day, and I have had no doubt in accepting it. You know £15 millions for poor players like Alessandro Nesta, Juan Sebastian Veròn and Pavel Nedved. All in all, the backbone of the team Couto – Marcolin – Inzaghi is still with us. And then, our fans were so happy about this deal, they just can't believe it!".

The three players showed a lot of joy for this transfer. Nesta said: "The dream of my lifetime has finally come true. I will be able to play along with world class defenders such as Henning Berg, Mikael Silvestre and Phil Neville, and what matters most, I will be able to kiss Fabian Barthez' bald head, at last. That's the main reason I've joined Man Utd".

The Argentinian playmaker Veròn added: "I was fed up of living in Rome, that ugly and dull city. I'm very happy to be in this splendid city called Manchester, and I'm sure I will live here for the rest of my lifetime. And then, the climate… I was very sick about that warm climate in the wintertime. No, winter climate must be cold and rainy. I mean, what's the use of playing in a warm February Roman night? You would be longing to be in a Trastevere restaurant eating a bowl of pasta and drinking some glasses of Chianti. That's why Lazio lost to Feyenoord last season. Instead, you would perform at the best in a typical Manchester cold, rainy night, the thought of a dinner in an English restaurant makes me run like a hare, and that's just what I need to warm myself. This is football! My family were speechless when I told them that we were going to leave Rome for Manchester. Esta ciudad es muy hermosa!".

While the Czech midfielder Nedved praised the club: "I know they have done a very big financial effort to bring us here, £15 millions are a hell of a fee, and we thank the club for having spent all that money on us. Lazio have had a lot of offers for us, Real Madrid and Barcelona were ready to spend £100 millions, but in the end the Champions of Italy as well as Coppa Italia winners have chosen the Man Utd bid".

And that's absolutely the sheer, pure truth.

FORZA LAZIO
SESF
 

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Man U ink goaltending duo

Keeping with this summers shopping spree tradition, Manchester United have inked 2 talented goalkeepers to 3 year deals. The first is Bayern Munich first choice Oliver Kahn. Kahn was purchased from the Bavarian club for a reported £2.2m and is expected to battle with French international Fabien Barthez for the #2 spot on the club. Football fans around the globe all remember Kahn as the goalkeeper who failed to win the champions League final against a legendery Manchester United side in 1999.

The other deal finally gave ManU their first top level frist choice keeper since Peter the Great left to go play for some Portuguese club. ManU have signed English first choice keeper Nigel Martyn from Leeds United. The deal was worth a staggering £15m for Leeds and Martyn is worth every penny.
"What we like about Martyn is his big game capability, like the Romania-England battle at Euro 2000" mentioned Sir Alex.
Martyn is expected to be the undisputed #1 goalkeeper while leaving kahn and Barthez to battle for the #2 spot. Both Kahn and barthez were excited at the prospect of just being part of the winning tradition that is Manchester United.

[Edited by Marcoa on 11-07-2000 at 17:33]
 

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AC Milan have been rocked by news that Andrei Shevchenko wants to leave for Manchester United. The deal, which would see United stars Phil Neville and Teddy Sheringham move to the San Siro was brokered after it emerged that Shevchenko had already agreed to a United deal and had refused to train unless he was transferred.

"Playing for Manchester United has always been my dream" said Shevchenko
"All Ukrainian boys grow up wanting to play for them, so when Alex Ferguson contacted me, I could not say no".

Ferguson moved in quickly to get his man after deciding he wanted someone on the bench to challenge the strikeforce of Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole, two of the hottest strikers in the world today. A similar deal had been agreed for Juventus' Zidane but the move fell through after Juventus demanded £3m rather than the £1.2m United were offering. Ferguson commented:

"The player wants to come and we would be happy to add to our squad with a player like Zidane who would surely keep Keane and Butt on their game, but I cant see how a deal can be agreed if Juventus are going to be unreasonable about the fee"

Sources close to the club suggest that they may now move for Veron of Lazio, who would surely jump at the chance to leave Lazio for the biggest club in the world. A close friend of Veron's added,

"Juan is very excited about the possibility of linking up with players such as Berg, Bosnich and Solksjaer. He hinted that there had already been a meeting between Veron and Cragnotti in which Veron made it clear he wanted to leave the Rome club for the greener pastures of Manchester.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Absolutely Great guys,keep it going!

There are other clubs apart from Manchester United you know.and also there are trasnfers FROM England to other countries,in the "right" fee of course.I'll add one like this when I have time. :)
 

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Labas has so far got a great one but

Premiership News inc. (PNi)

It is believed that in the likelyhood of Totti's anger at Sensi for signing Batistuta doesn't subside that Leeds utd will take advantage of the situation. In an unlikely deveopment Totti has said publicly he does not want to play alongside the Argentine super star. Claiming that "Totti and only Totti is the star of A.S. Roma".
Totti also went on to disclose exclusively to PNi that he has always dreamed of playing in the Premiership and it has been his lifelong ambition to play for Leeds. Having followed their great history from the time he was a child of their heroic times in the old first division to their many unjust relegations Totti remains a firm Leeds fan.
Sources close to Totti reveal that he is also available to sit on the bench if the Premiership giants table a serious bid. Sources close to Leeds say that they are preparing to table a massive 1.5million USD bid for the mercurial player. Sensi is unlikely to refuse.

hahah I think that is so realistic....it sounds just like SOMMIN the wankers called journalist on the isles would say.

Here is a less serious one for all you guys to enjoy.

PNi
Man Utd Get Flower Power. (Don't you just hate the way these [email protected] twist titles....its so.....ENGLISH)

Man Utd have made a swoop(i hate that word) into the dour world of Italian defencive football for one of their few decent players. The Udinese player Stefano Fiore he whose name translates Flower has decided to move to Old Trafford and what a correct choice it was.
Knowing the quality of play in Man Utd he will probably spend the first years or year playing only reserve football. "How can i refuse the opportunity of playing in Man utd reserves infront of 25 people at that great stadium?"

"I am a very very luck......." Fiore didn't finish his statement instead he got down on his hands and started doing cart wheels and flip.

Such is teh influence of the great Old trafford.

After the flipping....."I had offers from Roma Parma INTER Lazio Milan and Juve but we all know that everyone would give up a chance like those to play at Old TRafford"

"I have accepted apay cut to play at Old TRafford because i want to show i am a team player"

A reserve team player PSi interviewer Des LieNUFF reminded him.

"I will be payed somehwere in the region of 5-6 thousand pounds..........a year."

WHat a great and generous board Man Utd have PSi has to commend them on sparing no cost to satisfy the mediocre player Stefano Fiore.

PSi must say congrats to man utd in doing what they do best signing mediocre players and expecting the best out of them. What a great team......what a great league what a great ENgland.
 

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Andy Cole has emerged as the big-money replacement for departed star Hernan Crespo at Parma. Stefano Tanzi moved quickly to appease the fans who had been upset at the departure of the Argentine striker. A deal, believed to include goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon and defenders Fabio Cannavaro and Lilian Thuram as makeweights in the record-breaking deal was completed in the secrecy of a Manchester hotel in the early hours of the morning as Tanzi moved in on his target. Ferguson initially rebuffed the Italians but the moneymen at United made it clear that such a move could not be turned down since it would provide cover for goalkeeper Massimo Taibi and the defensive pair of Jaap Stam and Gary Neville. It is beleived that Parma have offered Cole a massive £100,000 a week in wages and a 10 year contract. The massive deal, which will cost the Italians well in excess of £100m has turned the club shop into a stampede with fans rushing to be first to get a Cole replica shirt. A crowd of 70,000 are expected to turn up at the training ground later today when the player meets his team-mates for the first time. Midfielder Dino Baggio could not hide his excitement,

"Tanzi has surely done a great thing. I never thought I would play with someone like Andy Cole, who is one of the greatest players in the world"

Cole was said to be sad to leave Manchester but commented,

"Leaving will be a wrench but I am a professional and I must think about my family. A footballers career is not long and Parma offered me good terms"

It is believed United made a last ditch attempt to keep Cole but could not match the personal terms offered by Parma. Serie A has ben rocked by the news, with teams such as Juventus, Inter and AC Milan now rushing to try to secure a player that will help them keep up with Parma. It has emerged in the last few hours that Milan have made a "name-your-price" offer for Alan Shearer of Newcastle, with Juventus not far behind. It will take a similar kind of deal to secure the services of one of the greatest strikers in the history of the game however, and he might not be willing to leave the Premiership for the lower quality of the Italian Serie A. Inter were reported to have made a bid of £55m, Ronaldo, Vieri and Zanetti for Chris Sutton of Chelsea. The English marksman has long been admired by chariman Massimo Moratti and Inter have moved quickly to reply to Parma. None of the club officials were available for comment but sources close to the club have hinted that the deal may be under consideration, although Chelsea may hold out for more for the deadly hitman.
 

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Cool topic AMO. :)

Del Piero TO NY/NJ METROSTARS!
From our Top correspondent

In a surprising transfer move, Italian soccer sensation Alessandro Del Piero has been sought after to play in the highly competetive and graceful MLS League. The Metrostars have reportedly bid US $ 2,000 for the brilliant Italian Striker. When he heard of the news Del Piero said: "Bullsh|t man, I ain't going to that sh|tpile."
 
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