:howler:KEEPS his T-shirt on to hide his overweight midfield as he goes for goal in a variety of formations.
Here are the dramatic action replays of highlights from Jewell's sordid match away from wife Ann-Marie, 45.
FIRST LEG: The camera pans across a living room and a beige leather sofa before focusing on the opposition—a blonde in her 30s wearing nothing but a wedding and engagement ring, black lacy knickers and bra and those studded suede boots.
:dielaugh:Jewell's trousers and pants go down faster than Derby in May (they lost AGAIN yesterday, 1-0 at Middlesbrough) before he leaps on her, rattling in goal after goal for a full ten minutes.
Apart from little moans and grunts, his only commentary throughout the grubby proceedings is that he can hear a milkman passing outside.