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The Top 18 Things on Saddam Hussein's To-Do List

18> Announce that I'm finally ready to comply with those pesky U.N. resolutions.

17> Inform minister of information that yes, the United States has indeed captured the Baghdad airport.

16> Add "2003 World Hide 'n' Seek Silver Medal Winner" to resume.

15> Find out if Hallmark makes a "Sorry I Tortured and Slaughtered the Nation!" card.

14> Call the Hell Hilton and book the Pol Pot suite.

13> Offer to dedicate my life to helping O.J. find the real killers if they let me free.

12> Start working on a shiv of mass destruction.

11> Trade all-nude version of Iraqi card deck for some smokes.

10> Stage food fight in cafeteria to distract guards, then walk out via front door.

9> Eat map showing location of my secret cache of victory-parade balloons.

8> Call Osama: Cancel "Trading Spaces" offer.

7> Aha, Mr. Rubik, your cursed cube may have beaten me these past six months -- but now that I have ample time to focus on this task, the advantage is clearly mine!

6> Award Halliburton a no-bid contract to shave my beard.

5> Practice saying with a wacky accent: "Who sane! Who sane? Not me, baby!"

4> Create a statue of myself out of soap.

3> "Dear Forum: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but when the cover to my hiding place opened, I found myself staring into the most gorgeous blue eyes in camouflage I've ever seen...."

2> Luxuriate in the cleanliness and roominess of my new prison cell.

and the Number 1 Thing on Saddam Hussein's To-Do List...

1> Ask Bush family if they want to go best two out of three.

(I'm sorry if this is too far off-topic; I thought this was hilarious and wanted to share it. If anyone's curious regarding where I found this list, PM me and I'll give you the link – I don't want to spam the forum) ;)

22,221 Posts
Is that after he has lunch with the President:howler: .He's got a very busy schedule that saddam appearing on jay Leno,Conan O'Brien,David Letterman and so on.:tongue:

Community Analyst
32,844 Posts
19 - Next time, avoid caves - those pesky Portistas nearly drove me mad.
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