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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/li...all.html?in_article_id=551809&in_page_id=1779

:eek: OH NOES!

FOOTY CHANGES! said:
SPORTSMAIL EXCLUSIVE: Premier League to bring in bonus points from next season

By MIKE SPILLIGAN - More by this author » Last updated at 08:34am on 1st April 2008
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Bonus points will be introduced into football for the first time next season as UEFA and FIFA look to reward big-scoring teams.

From the start of the 2008-9 season, a series of bonuses will be on offer, including an extra point for winning league matches on aggregate, more points for winning in midweek and added points for every mulitple of three games in succession won.
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Horrorshow: Chris Hughton, Kevin Keegan and Terry McDermott look on as Manchester United score five and rack up 27 points


The move is sure to spark as much controversy as the 39th game plan that was scrapped last month just days after it was mooted by Premier League chiefs.
However, this has the full backing of world football's chiefs who are trying to rid the game of 0-0 draws without introducing American-style 'overtime' sessions to decide results or increasing the size of goals to 40m wide.
The policy is set to be rubber-stamped at a full World Football Summit meeting today (April 1) having been concluded in a shroud of secrecy.
The effects will be far-reaching for football. For example, Manchester United's 6-0 defeat of Newcastle at Old Trafford earlier this season would have earned them 3 points for winning, plus 2 extra points for 2 lots of three goals - plus another 2 for winning by two three-goal margins - making 7 in all.
Their 5-1 win at St James' Park would have earned them 3 for winning, plus 1 extra point for 1 mulitple of three plus another 1 for winning by one mulitple of three - making 5 in all.
Their aggregate victory would have given them an extra five points, and as they netted 11 goals, they would qualify for the 'hyper bonus' of ten for scoring a combined total of ten or more.
Therefore they would actually have accrued a stunning 27 points for their hammering of the Magpies, leaving Arsenal and Chelsea in their wake.
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Pele, a pretend lion (centre) and Franz Beckenbauer two years ago


Fans will notice the changes whether they agree with them or not, especially in their pockets.
National Football Associations are going to have to employ a team of 100 full statisticians to make sure the database does not fall behind - and in the event of teams finishing level at the end of the season, the number of corners won would be the deciding factor, followed by throw-ins - then programmes sold to away fans.
FIFA spokeswoman Avril Premiere said: "The points bonus is vital to keep football moving forward. It is the brainchild of all our top officials and intended to ensure dreary teams such as Chelsea who only seem to win 1-0 cannot be champions again."
UEFA spokesman Abril Primero also unveiled a series of other enticements. These include more points for winning midweek matches, three-in-a-row win bonuses and the introduction of a five-minute joker that can be played any time in the match and any goals scored during that time are doubled - but goals conceded on your own joker are trebled.
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A fan is carried from the pitch


Primero insisted: "These ideas might seem extreme but it's time to bring football into the 21st century. The Joker always worked well in It's A Knockout and we are hoping to get Stuart Hall to provide a voiceover when jokers are brought out to be played. And jokers are no fools - unlike some people."
FA chiefs are sure to be seething at yet another erosion of their authority but refused to comment when asked about the FIFA ruling - but that's because Sportsmail phoned them at 3am when nobody was there. But Serie A chief exectuive Angelo Primo d'Aprile blasted: "UEFA and FIFA should just leave football alone and instead just concentrate on coming up with fresh ways that Liverpool can qualify for the Champions League no matter where they finish in the table."

:(
 

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Is this a April fools joke.
 

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Xtratime's Head of Humour 2007
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they must be mad standing next to a lion, they are dangerous creatures that have a hell of a bite.
 

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:howler:

Lions are very dangerous although not the most dangerous of the big cats. Hunters have said that the most difficult animal to hunt is the leopard, with its intelligence and liquid speed. A hunter can hide in a tree with his weapon, training his sights on where the leopard had stashed his kill, and the last thing he'd ever see was the animal lying in wait right behind him.
 

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Jeff how do you know so much about animals?
 

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As a teen I read science fiction series about a group of kids who acquired an alien technology which enabled them to acquire the DNA of any animal species. The author researched a great deal so she could accurately portray the animals.
 

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Xtratime's Head of Humour 2007
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out of a lion and a leopard I know what I'd prefer to stand next to, it's not like I am going to outrun a lion is it, so speed doesn't much matter? :D
 

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There was this amazing documentary on Animal Planet about a man who worked closely with a certain species of big cat, although I forget which. I'm leaning towards a lion. They became so familiar with each other, he could operate in the same space as it without fear of incurring injury or worse.

Wasn't Goosebumps was it?
Nah, Animorphs.
 

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There was this amazing documentary on Animal Planet about a man who worked closely with a certain species of big cat, although I forget which. I'm leaning towards a lion. They became so familiar with each other, he could operate in the same space as it without fear of incurring injury or worse.
It was wolves, his wife divorced him because of that :pp
 

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out of a lion and a leopard I know what I'd prefer to stand next to, it's not like I am going to outrun a lion is it, so speed doesn't much matter? :D
Well I would prefer the male lion as they are lazy bastards, they let the females do all the hunting for them while they just sit around and look important. You could probably outrun them as they won't be arsed.
 

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Well I would prefer the male lion as they are lazy bastards, they let the females do all the hunting for them while they just sit around and look important. You could probably outrun them as they won't be arsed.
That description sounds awfully familiar, except for the 'important' bit. :embarass:
 
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