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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Ok...does anyone have any funny but true stories about things you may have done or your parents may have done.....I'll start:

"Broken English"

When I was a kid, we were driving home from Canada after visiting reletives and watching the Croatian Soccer Tournament. Anyway, my father gets pulled over by a New York State Trooper for speeding and given a ticket. The trooper hands my dad the ticket and says "Ok, here is your ticket, but drive more carefully." My dad takes the ticket (now you have to remember something about NY State Troopers. All of them are like 6-4 and 250 pounds of solid muscle) and tells the officer, "Don vori, Aj no bi pej." Officer looks at my dad, and my dad looks back, and tells him, "Don vori, aj no bi pej, maj vajf bi pej tiket." The officer looks at me....then looks at my mom....and then tells my mom, "Good luck." and leaves.;) :D
 

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LOL very funny:howler: :howler: :howler: :dielaugh: :dielaugh: :D :)
 

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My old man's much the same. The other day he's spelling his name over the phone with some lady from the bank. His name is Zlatko...

he goes..."zee, leh,ah, tee, et....yes et...like a the number tree, yes tree, van, too, tree, yes..ka, k, k, like an carrot, yes, and last number is the o. Zlatko, yes"
 

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:tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue:

pure jokes guys! great stuff!

my dad is the same story! :rolleyes: ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #6
A friend of the family who is from Grude was going up to Canada a few years back for the Croatian soccer tournament. Anyway, he gets to the border and the Canadian Customs agent asks for his Identification. So, he gives him his passport. Now you have to remember before all this stuff happened on Sept.11 crossing the border is just a formality. Nothing big or hard about it.....anyway, the border guards asks "Where are you from?" No answer...."How long will you be staying in Canada??" No answer..Customs guy is getting a bit frustrated and asks the guy, "CAN YOU TALK???" The guy replies, "Ken ju rid???" Needless to say, the border guard told him to pull over and completely check out his car, he spent like 1 hour being being searched....just to slow him down.
 

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Me old man took us to McDonalds, much the same scenario. but after ordering the chic at the counter asked "Would like fries with that?" to which he said "Is they for a free?" she said no, and he attacked her "vhy you ask me bloody for a fry if it's you not gonna get them to me for a free?" "ah?" "why?"


:)
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Ok...now to show you how crazy this all is, my mom speaks great English. She has a slight accent, my dads English is lets just say broken....now the crazy part, my parents went to Australia in February of 2000 for my cousins wedding. My mom was telling me how she had trouble understanding the Aussies with their accent, while my father was actually understanding every world they said! Strange world...

Anyway, they stayed a few weeks and my stric lives just outside Sydney. SO, my dad rents a car, and desides that since he is in OZ, that he will rent a car and go visit childhood friends that he hasn't seen since he left Zmijavci in 1964. So, they drive to Canberra and Melbourne. Along the way they stop for gas and to grab a bit to eat. So they stop at this restaurant, and my mom orders a steak and the waiter asks, "Would you like anything on the side?" My mom answers, "Yes, some French Fries please." My dad starts to laugh....the waiter goes, "We don't have French Fries, but we have Chips." My mom start to tell the guy, "Chips, who eats potato chips with their steak." (thinking that Chips were what the Aussies call crisps). The waiter goes, "Well we do here is Australia." So my dad is laughing, and my mom goes "OK let me try this." SO when the steak was ready, the waiter brings and there are Fries with the steak. So my mom goes, "Oh you do have fries," and the waiter goes no, "these are the chips." My dad starts laughing even harder...telling her "Vidis da smo mi Imocani Svjetski, ja znam bolje nego ti sta su Chips!"
 

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When two of my cousins came to Canada in the late 80s they were both in their twenties while I was still a teenager. Because they didn't speak very much english (if at all) they liked to take me where ever they went just in case. I went to more strip joints (gledati gole tete) by the time I was 17 than most people do in their lifetime.

Anyways, we used to go to McDonald's and get sundaes and coffee. I'd always order but one day I asked my cousin to do it to practise his english.

He asks me, "sta trebam rec?"
I say, "Can I have three regular coffees and three caramel sundaes."
"OK, OK." So he walks up to the middle aged Chinese manager at the cash and says, "Tree kavas end tree sundance caramello." Then he turns to me and asks, "Jesan li dobro rekao?"

I'm laughing and the Chinese guy says,"you wan tree cowfey and wha?"

I tell the guy three caramel sundaes and then he asks my cousin, "you wan penus wit dat?"

"Vat?"

"Penus (peanuts) ?"

My cousin looks at me and asks,"Sta on govori hocu ja penis? Sta je on neki kineski peder?"

Man I lost it....
 

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Why the hell did he ask you if you anted peanuts? Do they serve those at McDonalds?
 

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:D :cool: :cool: :D :D :tongue:

speaking of Kinese we think our folks have bad accents! some of them are business men and cant pronounce things in English properly!

working in a grocery store has made me understand more versions of (broken) English than i thought was possible! the best are the old Italians they come up to me talking Italian first then i have to tell them that i "no parle Italiano" then they look at me funny and then proceed to say it English perfectly! and i am thinking why the hell didnt you just ask me in English in the first place? ah well i guess they just respect thier own language more! which is good!
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Good ones guys...

Here is another one. Back in October 2000, I went with a buddy of mine to the homecoming weekend at the University of Michigan. My buddy graduated from their MBA program and everyone was going to be there. Knowing that I was a huge Michigan football fan, he invites me to come along for the ride.

Well, its Saturday night right after the football game, we all go on the main drag to hangout. We were glued to the TV's at the local bar, watching the Yankees beat up on the Seattle Mariners and the Mets beat up on the St. Louis Cardinals. So, its getting late, about 3 am, and we're all heading back to where we were staying, but everyone wanted a quick bite to eat before we left. So, they see the Mexican Take out place they used to go to all the time. So we walk in, and there were 3 Mexican guys behind the counter serving everyone. There were about 10 of us and I was like 7th in line, so we all order tacos or curitos (which is an oversized burrito). So, the guys serving ask everyone as they mad their order, "Would you like red beans or black beans?" So, each person on line says,"black," when it was their turn to order. So, it's my turn..."Would you like red beans or black beans?'' I answer, "Red." The guy goes to me "NO." I reply, thinking he didn't understand, "Red beans." He again tells me, "NO." So the guy behind me is laughing and so is his girlfriend...so I go, "Rojo" which is red in spanish. The guy goes, "No, you can't have red beans because we don't have any." Everyone started dying....so I ask the guy, "Well, if you don't have red beans then why didn't you say so." His reply.."I was being nice."
 

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Well,I don't know about you guys,but all these Croats from NY/NJ are speaking in this Cro/English version that make me laugh so much.
But when I've finnaly met my uncle and aunt from AU in 1998 that have never been in Croatia since they left in 1970(we've met in Croatia)and my aunt is telling me about her life and then she tryed to explain how she's doing laundry:
"JA STAVIM ROBU U VOSHU,PA U DRAJU,I ONDA JA TO LIJEPO FOLDIRAM TAKO DA DJECA IMAJU STA WEAROVATI".
Pa onda moja punica pocne:
"IDEMO JA I IVE(njen muz,moj punac) MALO WALKATI,OKOLO BLOKA DVA TRI LAPA".
Ima toga jos ali se triba svega sitit...
Pozdravlja vas svih majstor...
 

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Discussion Starter #15
majstor...and the funny thing about all that is, is that when we go there, weather its you or I, or our parents or aunts or uncles, we start talking like that to the locals. They give you this look like what is he talking about. I remember the first time I went to Croatia in 1991 and my father and I are in Imotski. And my dad is talking with his brother and he keeps telling him.."Ju no wara aj min???" (You know what I mean)..I've been lucky, for the most part I was taught straight Croatian but, there are words that you think are Croatian when in reality they are not....for example, my father is a house painter, so he will say, "Danas moramo PENTATI ovu sobu." Fine and dandy, but if you go to Croatia they'd think "Pentati??"
 

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JureM,I was born and raised in Croatia and I've been living in this great country (USA) for just bit over 5 yrs.
But,this CRO-ENGLISH is really making me laugh!
I understand that you've been raised in USA and I DO understand that you probably use some of that cro/english stuff and I can just imagine raised eyebrow's back in Homeland.
Pozdravlja te majstor

[email protected]/NJ/ST
 

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Discussion Starter #17
About 6 or 7 years ago at the Croatian Center in New York, there was this comedian from Croatia who had us all laughing so hard because his entire routine was about Cro-English. And the funny thing was that he was making fun of our parents who were born and raised in Croatia who should know better...:D


What he was impressed with though was that most of the people born here in the US knew and understood Croatia so well....but of course, we all had some Cro-English in our vocabulary.
 

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Wanna fries with that?

Once when we where driving to Croatia(1989), we stopped on the Slovenian border to grab a bite. Inside the restaurant a Turkish tourist try to order some dish, but he couldn´t understand what kind of meat that was inside. My father enters the restaurant with big Ray-Ban´s. The clerk ask my father if he understand the turkish guy??

(In croatian) Of course, this guy will understand me! (My father only speaks Croatian and some broken Swedish)

He turns to the turk and point out through the window. Points on some cows who were grazing in the meadow. And then points on a dinner plate, sticks his index fingers up his forehead and go´s......Mhuuuuuu.

Then he points to the other dinnerplate(with porkchops) and go´s......grunt grunt........

I have never seen a turkish guy run so fast:) :D :D :cool:
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Here is one that a college teammate of mine always talks about....our college soccer coach was this Ukranian-American guy who loved to hang out with us a didn't mind putting down a few beers. So, this is October 1986, my friend was in his second year and the team stunk. They had a road trip up in Worchester, Massachusetts to play Holy Cross. Now, this was right in the middle of baseball's World Series, the Boston Red SOx were playing the NY Mets (our college in in the Bronx and Holy Cross is about 20 minutes from Boston)..it was game six, bottom of the ninth inning, Boston was 1 out and 1 strike away from winning it all when the Mets Mookie Wilson hit a slow gorunder to first, and easty out and the Red Sox were going to win...only their first baseman misplayed the ball, it went between his legs and Wilson of the Mets drove in the tying runs...the Mets won in extra innings and then went on the win the World Series.

Ok...anyway, they are all at the bar, Mets were losing and it was the Mookie Wilson at bat. Our coach was going at it the whole night with some local Boston guy and they kept arguing...my buddy is drinking a beer (remember this is the day before the game with Holy Cross) and talking with this girl. The girl asks my buddy, "What does your coach think about you guys drinking the day before a game." My buddy relies, "I don't know why don't you ask him," and he points to coach. The timing was perfect because just as he said that the Mookie Wilson play happened and our coach is jumping up and down pointing his finger and yelling at that Boston fan "HAHAHAHA s-uck my d-ck......suckers....HAHAHAHAHA," jumping up and down like a maniac. The girl looks at my buddy....and just walks away.
 
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