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post #1 of 429 (permalink) Old August 20th, 2012, 20:52 Thread Starter
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Bomney's diary

Previously in the Blue Parrot Saloon.

Boyo complains about his tax rate and Humbird suggests to change his name to Boyo Romney, or Bomney for short, so that he can pay less.
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post #2 of 429 (permalink) Old August 20th, 2012, 20:53 Thread Starter
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Day 1

After changing my name I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to put a large amount of gel in my hair. Haven't felt like that since high school. On my way back from the store I saw a homeless person drinking cough syrup. An obvious substance abuser, taking advantage of the liberal healthcare policies. Called him a lazy bum and told him to get a job. He spit on me.

Back in the office the phone rang. Thought it might be the IRS. Instead it was Paul. He went on about something called 'budgets'. Didn't understand a word of it. Think it might be a new TV show.

Went to the beach after work. Put on the flip-flops I still had from when I ran for senator. Always knew they'd come in handy. Saw some guy reading 'the most beautiful people People'. I wasn't on the cover. Went home disappointed.
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post #3 of 429 (permalink) Old August 20th, 2012, 20:54 Thread Starter
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Day 2

Tried to log onto the forum. Unsuccessfully. Surely a matter of the forum having a liberal bias. It seemed to know I was 'stinking rich'. You betcha! http://i50.tinypic.com/nx2iok.png

Went to church this morning. The minister told us the story about Mozes. How he grew up in suburban Huntsville, Alabama and that he once parted Wilson lake when trying to find a shortcut to Muscle Shoals. Fascinating stuff.

Still no word from the IRS. I wonder how long I must wait.

Nothing more for now. I'm off to a cow milking contest.
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post #4 of 429 (permalink) Old August 20th, 2012, 20:54 Thread Starter
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Day 3

The cow-milking contest didn't go very well. A 97 year old lady with purple hair won it and I got disqualified for cow tipping. When I went back to the parking lot I found out that my car had been vandalized. Someone broke off a wing mirror. Ha! As if that's going to stop me. I got another one. Actually, I think the perpetrator must have been a freedom hating liberal, considering that I have a USMC bumper sticker.

Arriving back home I received a fax. I thought for sure it would be the IRS this time, but instead it was from an Italian businessman, Lottoti or something.. He wants to help me put together a winning team. He claims to have a lot of experience with getting people motivated for the project. I think I'll give him a call on Monday.

Got a tip to put my dog on the roof of the car. I like it. It can protect it while I'm gone and keep liberal vandals at a safe distance.
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post #5 of 429 (permalink) Old August 20th, 2012, 20:55 Thread Starter
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Day 4

Called Littuto. I had to let the phone ring a really long time before he picked up. He started talking loudly in Italian. Just like the sort of things I hear when I cut in line at Al's Pizza Place. Can't understand a word of it. Then he hung up. A few hours later he called back, apparently he lives in a different time zone and I called at 3 AM. Who knew the rest of the world had different time zones? This information might give me the edge in the upcoming debates. I’m going to dazzle everyone with my knowledge of foreign affairs. In fact, I’m going to make it one of the key issues of my campaign. American time zones use cutting edge technology and we must bring our superior time zones to the rest of the world. With Bomney as president the whole world will live in time zones that are proudly made in the USA!

Anyway, Lotutti had a really good idea. When putting together a winning team it’s tempting to hire only the best people, but it’s more sensible to hire the people who’re willing to work for the lowest wages! I like how this man thinks. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing with my gardener and cleaning lady. In fact, I’ve decided to fire Paul (Ron or Ryan, whatever his other name was) and hire my cook’s sister as my running mate.

Bomney – Consuela 2012, we can’t lose now.
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post #6 of 429 (permalink) Old August 20th, 2012, 20:57 Thread Starter
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We resume this exciting story on Day 5. What will happen to Bomney? Will the IRS give him his taxcut? And what about Consuela? Can she provide the Bomney campaign the necessary stability to win the elections? Stay tuned and find out.
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post #7 of 429 (permalink) Old August 21st, 2012, 14:08 Thread Starter
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Day 5

With the help of Consuela I wrote a speech for an upcoming townhall meeting.

"We aren’t going to take it. No, we are not going to take it. We aren’t going to take it anymore.

We have the right to choose and there is no way that we will lose it. This is our life, this is our song. We will fight a thousand legions. Don’t pick our destiny, because, you don’t know us, you don’t belong.

You are so condescending. You gall is never ending. We don’t want anything, not a thing from you. Your life is trite and jaded. Boring and confiscated. If that’s your best, your best won’t do.

We are right. We are free. We will fight. You will see."

Finally received word from the IRS. Although for some reason it's from their office in Nigeria. If I give them my bank account number they will take of the rest. At last some good news.
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post #8 of 429 (permalink) Old August 22nd, 2012, 13:22
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Blue is the color
Bomney is the name
stashing $ in offshore accounts
is the name of the game.

But tomorrow is new day and new chance. -- Alija

Nel cielo biancazzurro brilla un'altra stella - In the lightblue sky another star shines. Alija tu non sarai mai sola. Alija you will never be alone.
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post #9 of 429 (permalink) Old August 22nd, 2012, 13:24
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Our Campaign Bumper Sticker (courtesy of Jefe)

Vote Bomney for a better Amercia!

But tomorrow is new day and new chance. -- Alija

Nel cielo biancazzurro brilla un'altra stella - In the lightblue sky another star shines. Alija tu non sarai mai sola. Alija you will never be alone.
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post #10 of 429 (permalink) Old August 22nd, 2012, 19:50 Thread Starter
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Day 6

A staff member was arrested last night for DUI. Consuela had a good idea for damage control. If he claims he only drank a tropical fruit juice her cousin in the Dominican Republic can set up a bogus website that sells the stuff. Smart thinking on the part of our future VP.

The insurance company refused to pay the damage to my car. They will come to regret that once Big B is running the country.

Went to get a haircut. My barber told me that Obama was Kenyan. Aren't all liberals? I prefer Friedman.
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post #11 of 429 (permalink) Old August 22nd, 2012, 20:32
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Goshdarnit, many times across this great nation I have gone on and on and on about our related patriotic and precious bodily fluid values that have defined our nation's country, startin' from the forefathers' ales and harsh brews to the modern-day lite beers, coolers and also sports beverages which we consume in order to give us "wings" to fly up to behold our lofty values that were deposited and returned upon us, includin' the energy drinks that some of our younger kids are chuggin for bursts of awakedness and alertivity that must propush the next real American generation ahead towards the upcomin and future Novembers that are to come up, because these things there will trickle down to them, buildin up to a torrentable rainfall of freedom and liberty celebrated on election day, sprinklin us with victory and rinsin away the last 4 years or so of our present radical and stormy government down into the storm-drains where they belong to be, as we condense our Ryan's hopes and O'Bomney dreams to be absorbed into us like a red white and blue Shamwow, Akin to the magic pot of liquid gold spoken about into the Bible located at the end of the rainbow up ahead there for us to quicker picker up it, before it all evaptorates again if we lose.

O'Bomney for President iffn you value your fluids.

But tomorrow is new day and new chance. -- Alija

Nel cielo biancazzurro brilla un'altra stella - In the lightblue sky another star shines. Alija tu non sarai mai sola. Alija you will never be alone.

Last edited by Humbird; August 22nd, 2012 at 20:38.
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post #12 of 429 (permalink) Old August 22nd, 2012, 23:25
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I'm clicking 'Like" and am now subscribed...

Carry on, Bomney!

Freedom is the great liberator of the mind Ė it threatens only the comfort of the sequacious intellect.

"ai am person tu!!!!"

Fight the Power!!!

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post #13 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 01:32
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We have the 'Bama Bump. One wonders what Bomney has?
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For me, football is irrationality, tribal, passionate... - Almogŗver
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post #14 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 01:49
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Che boludo, I was missing this stuff, keep them coming...

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post #15 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 02:23
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Originally Posted by Punkette B View Post
We have the 'Bama Bump. One wonders what Bomney has?
The Bomney Burp, of course.

But tomorrow is new day and new chance. -- Alija

Nel cielo biancazzurro brilla un'altra stella - In the lightblue sky another star shines. Alija tu non sarai mai sola. Alija you will never be alone.
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post #16 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 04:48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boyo View Post
Day 5

With the help of Consuela I wrote a speech for an upcoming townhall meeting.

"We arenít going to take it. No, we are not going to take it. We arenít going to take it anymore.

We have the right to choose and there is no way that we will lose it. This is our life, this is our song. We will fight a thousand legions. Donít pick our destiny, because, you donít know us, you donít belong.

You are so condescending. You gall is never ending. We donít want anything, not a thing from you. Your life is trite and jaded. Boring and confiscated. If thatís your best, your best wonít do.

We are right. We are free. We will fight. You will see."

Finally received word from the IRS. Although for some reason it's from their office in Nigeria. If I give them my bank account number they will take of the rest. At last some good news.
Fareed Zakaria approves

When all the lights go out forever
Somewhere near the end of time
The noise will pass and the dust will settle
And you'll be on my mind
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post #17 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 16:09 Thread Starter
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Day 7

Last night I was eating caviar with my handcrafted ivory spoon when Consuela told me that I shouldn't do that because the average American can't relate to it. So from now on I will eat caviar with my hands.

Rumor has it Derek Jeter is using PED. So what? I use it all the time. In fact, I still have the same dispenser I had when I was a kid. It has a Richard Nixon head with a funny grin. It's hard to fill though.

Worked on a proposal for increased offshore drilling. Recent scientific evidence suggests the sea can resist getting polluted in case of a legitimate spill. Exciting news!
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post #18 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 16:23
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Worked on a proposal for increased offshore drilling. Recent scientific evidence suggests the sea can resist getting polluted in case of a legitimate spill. Exciting news!
Brilliant.

"Only in the darkness can you see the stars."
~Martin Luther King Jr.
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post #19 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 18:24
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Dear Sir, when you get elected, can you make a national blonde week? We deserve it.
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post #20 of 429 (permalink) Old August 23rd, 2012, 19:36
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Gentlemen prefer brunettes

When all the lights go out forever
Somewhere near the end of time
The noise will pass and the dust will settle
And you'll be on my mind
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