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post #1 of 584 (permalink) Old April 18th, 2007, 01:41 Thread Starter
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Jokes & Humor Thread

Armenian Radio Jokes

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR?” Both guarantee freedom of speech.”

We’re answering: “Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “When the final phase of socialism, namely communism, is built, will there still be thefts and pilfering?”

We’re answering: “No, because everything will be already pilfered during socialism.”


This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it true that American skyscrapers are the tallest in the world?”

We’re answering: “Yes, it's true, but on the other hand the Soviet-made transistors are the largest in the world.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?”

We’re answering: “The English fairy tale start with ‘Once upon a time…’, and ours with ‘It will be soon…’”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon.” Then, what is a horizon?”

We’re answering: “Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What should we do if the Western borders of the USSR were opened?”

We’re answering: “Rush to Siberia at once in order not to be crushed in the stampede.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Will the police still exist when communism is built?”

We’re answering: “Of course, not. By that time, all citizens will have learned how to arrest themselves.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What to do if a man you don't know takes a seat at your table in a pub and starts to sigh?”

We’re answering: “Immediately demand to stop the anti-Soviet propaganda.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to build socialism in Switzerland?”

We’re answering: “It's possible, but why? Did Switzerland really do something wrong to you?”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What shall we do if suddenly we feel a desire to work?”

We’re answering: “Just rest for a while on a sofa. It will pass.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the easiest way to explain the meaning of the word ‘communism’?”

We’re answering: “By means of fists.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why did the man who shot at a government limousine on the Red Square miss the target?”

We’re answering: “Because citizens who happened to be next to him tried to wrest the gun from him and shouted, ‘Let me shoot!’”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What to do if vodka interferes with the job?”

We’re answering: “Get off the job.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why Lenin wore regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?”

We’re answering: “At Lenin's time, Russia was still only ankle-high in shit.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the duration of the workday in a socialist country?”

We’re answering: “Of course, it's an eight-hour workday: from eight am to eight pm.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is an exchange of opinions?”

We’re answering: “When you walk into your boss's office with your opinion and walk out with his.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Can a son of a General become a Marshal?”

We’re answering: “No, because every Marshal also has a son.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why is our government not in a hurry to land our men on the moon?”

We’re answering: “What if they refuse to return?”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Was it possible to criticize Hitler?”

We’re answering: “Sure.” The same way as you criticized Stalin. You had to lock yourself in your bedroom, hide under two, or better three covers, place a pillow, or better two pillows on top of the blankets over your head, and then whisper whatever your soul wishes about the dictator, strictly adhering to a five-minute limit.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Which tea is better, Chinese or Soviet-grown?”

We’re answering: “Don't mix up in the confrontation between the superpowers. Drink coffee.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Will there be the third world war?”

We’re answering: “No, but the struggle for peace will reach such degree that there will be no stone left intact on the earth.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why policemen always walk the streets in teams of three?”

We’re answering: “The partners in the police team are always chosen in such a way that one of them knows how to read, the other how to write, and the third one, naturally, has to keep watch over those two intellectuals.”




This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why do we need two central newspapers, Pravda (Truth) and Izvestiya (News) if both are organs of the same Party?”

We’re answering: “Because in Pravda there is no news, and in Izvestiya there is no truth.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is it that starts with an R and never ends?”

We’re answering: “Reorganization.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to build socialism in one stand-alone country?”

We’re answering: “It's possible, but better to live in another country.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?”

We’re answering: “We don't answer questions related to agriculture.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is permitted and what is prohibited?”

We’re answering: “In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited.

In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited.

In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted.

In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited.

In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.




This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Bukovsky, and other dissidents have been exiled from the country?”

We’re answering: “Don't you know that the best products are always selected for export?”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is there life on other planets?”

We’re answering: “On other planets there is also no life.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Are there questions you can't answer?”

We’re answering: “No. We approach our job in accordance with the Marx' dialectics. To any question we can give any answer.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why did butter disappear from the stores' shelves?”

We’re answering: “It all has melted under the sun of the Soviet Constitution.”



This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it true that Akopian had won last Sunday hundred thousand rubles in the state lottery?”

We’re answering: “Yes, it is true. Only it was not last Sunday but Monday. And it was not Akopian but Vagramian. And not in the state lottery but in checkers. And not hundred thousand but one hundred rubles. And not won but lost.”
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post #2 of 584 (permalink) Old April 18th, 2007, 07:19
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haha, too many good ones to quote just one or two. I love those jokes.
post #3 of 584 (permalink) Old April 18th, 2007, 09:16
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Those are great. :thmbup:

The truth about Sinisa Mihajlovic and his destruction of the Serbian NT

Crvena zvezda - The Greatest EE Club of all time

Nerazzurri4life: Those Red Star fans are truly astonishing.
Demandred: First, I just have to say the Red Star fans were absolutely amazing, incredible atmosphere
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post #4 of 584 (permalink) Old April 19th, 2007, 01:53
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lol, this is pretty funny. but still guys, even though i'm no mod on this forum or anything, we've pretty much directed this thread to making fun of turkish people. i think we should give it a rest and get back to the purpose of the title of this thread.
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post #5 of 584 (permalink) Old April 19th, 2007, 09:07
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I have deleted a few posts that made fun of Turks, and I would like to remind the posters here that such things shouldn't be going on at Xtratime.

I am well aware of particular issues that exist in the real world, but those things have nothing to do with Xtratime. Here we are all part of one global community that has a common interest in football. So please leave any predetermined opinions out of your interaction with others here.

Mercedes bastard & Limburger-loving schmuck
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post #6 of 584 (permalink) Old April 22nd, 2007, 18:44 Thread Starter
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Tokyo Breakfast Very Funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHTVolhAot4
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post #7 of 584 (permalink) Old April 26th, 2007, 14:19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ARMENIAN ULTRAS
Look waht those azeribaboons are writing:

According to the chief trainer of the team of Azerbaijan and Vice President of the national federation of heavy athletics, our composite for the first time occupied the 6th place in the command test of the championship of Europe, after collecting in this case 400,8 marks. "in the command test of continental superiority we outdistanced the team of Armenia, which occupied the seventh place despite the fact that the athletes of this country earned gold and silver medals, stated" Echo "Vakhid Of nazarov.

By azeribaboons history
1)Russia
2)Belorus
3)turkey
4)Poland
5)Moldova
6)Rumenia
7)azeribaboogaydarastan
8)Armenia


The place of this message is here bro

Go Armenia, GO MINASYAN

Olympique de Marseille in my heart for ever

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post #8 of 584 (permalink) Old April 26th, 2007, 22:29 Thread Starter
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Only country in the world which do this for the first and the last time:

now national football team of Azerbaijan can let out in the field not more than five legionaries.

As reports Day.Az, the football federation of the country placed limit on the foreign football players in the national team of Azerbaijan. From now on in the basic composition can play only five legionaries, and two sit on the replacement.


Last edited by ARMENIAN ULTRAS; April 26th, 2007 at 22:34.
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post #9 of 584 (permalink) Old April 27th, 2007, 05:13
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HAHAHAHAHA

They might have otherwise fielded the Brazilian Z Team
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post #10 of 584 (permalink) Old April 28th, 2007, 11:46 Thread Starter
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Or they think like this, when we lose to Armenia 7 - 0, then football federation of azerbidjian "can / will" change the score to 3 - 0 technical defeat, because azeri's natinal team had 6 legionaries in the start 11p
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post #11 of 584 (permalink) Old April 28th, 2007, 17:09
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aper shat ek klertum srants boxokum en, mi kich hangstatsrek heto eli kklertek

KICH ENK BYTS HAYENK

RIP IAN PORTERFIELD YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED
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post #12 of 584 (permalink) Old April 28th, 2007, 23:14
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Some of you might not, but I personally find this video to be funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcyHgL6MFtg

Dako on UEFA's decision to cancel the Armenia vs Azerbaijan matches. :dielaugh:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dako
It's not over yet, the FFA are going to pursue this legally.

However, if the decision stands, we're the victims; whether we play Azerbaijan or not, they still get no points and we lose ours.

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post #13 of 584 (permalink) Old April 29th, 2007, 10:47
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Dobri hayer jan, axperner jan, voncenq?
Vor indz lseiq- etqan vstah mi egheq vor menq karanq krenq azernerin, iskakanic barda linelu, meronq vapshe chen karum xaghan, hlh iranq legionerneri shnorhiv mi bani karan hasnen baic menq?

THE XT ARMENIAN FOOTBALL FORUM CREATOR AND FOUNDER.

THE XT INTERISTA OF THE YEAR 2004 WINNER.

I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST.

With respect,
A. V.
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post #14 of 584 (permalink) Old April 29th, 2007, 16:30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by COOLNTALL
Dobri hayer jan, axperner jan, voncenq?
Vor indz lseiq- etqan vstah mi egheq vor menq karanq krenq azernerin, iskakanic barda linelu, meronq vapshe chen karum xaghan, hlh iranq legionerneri shnorhiv mi bani karan hasnen baic menq?
Hey, long time no see bro inch bes es.

"It's a long way to nowhere, and im leaving very soon"
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post #15 of 584 (permalink) Old April 30th, 2007, 16:48
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normal cavttanem, ughaki shat jamanak chem unenum vor post anem axper jan, baic ashxatum em amen or najem te vonca forum-h u poster-nerh. The forum is active and that is really good, good job by the fm s, they should keep it up, and the posters should keep the pedal on the metal( i hope i wrote it correct).
Yours truly
Aram Vardevanyan(ARAMO)

THE XT ARMENIAN FOOTBALL FORUM CREATOR AND FOUNDER.

THE XT INTERISTA OF THE YEAR 2004 WINNER.

I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST.

With respect,
A. V.
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post #16 of 584 (permalink) Old May 2nd, 2007, 16:36
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THERE YOU ARE BRO!!!
OG ARAMO IS BACK??
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post #17 of 584 (permalink) Old May 3rd, 2007, 15:45
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AM I???? lol

Hows everything going bro, hows life????????????????

THE XT ARMENIAN FOOTBALL FORUM CREATOR AND FOUNDER.

THE XT INTERISTA OF THE YEAR 2004 WINNER.

I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST.

With respect,
A. V.
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post #18 of 584 (permalink) Old May 3rd, 2007, 23:41
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COOLNTALL happy to see you
How are you ?
Happy for Inter I presume

Go Armenia, GO MINASYAN

Olympique de Marseille in my heart for ever

"I've got an erection !!" @ Me after Slovakia-Armenia 0-4 And I enjoyed !
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post #19 of 584 (permalink) Old May 5th, 2007, 09:41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kartoch
COOLNTALL happy to see you
How are you ?
Happy for Inter I presume
I m darn happy to get an answer from u bro, i remember that when we had really few posters out here u were one of those who was helpin me and Rob and the others. during those times, and u can bet that I M HAPPY FOR INTER
INTER INTER INTER INTER.


ArAmO

THE XT ARMENIAN FOOTBALL FORUM CREATOR AND FOUNDER.

THE XT INTERISTA OF THE YEAR 2004 WINNER.

I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST.

With respect,
A. V.
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post #20 of 584 (permalink) Old May 5th, 2007, 23:57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by COOLNTALL
I m darn happy to get an answer from u bro, i remember that when we had really few posters out here u were one of those who was helpin me and Rob and the others. during those times, and u can bet that I M HAPPY FOR INTER
INTER INTER INTER INTER.


ArAmO
Very happy to see this answer !! I remerber too when you was a perfect modo
It's right that I'm a old armenian poster
I hope to see you more time on xt aper
And by curiosity, you follow french championship ? and who team support you if it's yes ?

Go Armenia, GO MINASYAN

Olympique de Marseille in my heart for ever

"I've got an erection !!" @ Me after Slovakia-Armenia 0-4 And I enjoyed !
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