Damn, that's some pretty shitty options.
I'll have to go with Karl Pilkington. I must admit that I laughed at his idea of Bullshit-Man as his superhero persona, but in this day and age it makes perfect sense. Bullshit-Man would be the ultimate superhero.
It's certainly better than Elon Musk's superpower of being able to get government subsidies for his companies.
Maybe he even qualifies for reparations, as an African-American.