An aide comes up to Yanukovych and says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"Well, what's the bad news?" Yanukovych asks.
"Yuschenko has won 54% of the vote," the aide replies.
"So what's the good news?"
"You've won 67%."
You are too long in the Ukraine if ...
you allways keep a plastic bag, just in case ...
you answer the telephone with : hello, hello, hello... before the otherone gets the possiblity to say something .
you plan your vacation around those times of the year when the hot water is turned off.
you go mushroom and berry picking out of necessity instead of recreation.
you think metal doors are a necessity.
you argue with officials when they allready said "nyet".
Yanukovych is traveling to a meeting out in the country. While on the road, a pig runs out into traffic. The driver swerves to miss him but doesn't and ends up hitting and killing the pig. They make it to the meeting place which is close by and Yanukovych gets out and says, "Here's $100. Go back and put that pig in the trunk. Then go over to the market and see if you can find the owner. When you find him apologize and pay him $100 for his pig." The driver leaves.
A couple of hours later, the driver comes back. Yanukovych is waiting for him but when the driver gets out he can barely walk. He is drunk.
"What happened to you?," Yanukovych asks.
"Well, I went over to the market to find the owner like you asked. When I got there I said, 'I am Yanukovych's driver and I killed the pig.' Next thing I know people were slapping me on the back, congratulating me and giving me drinks."