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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old January 5th, 2010, 10:31 Thread Starter
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How to write awesomely

Here you get a excert from my latest story:

This story is about Luke Stormbringer. He is a awesome guy. He looks like Tom Cruise, but taller. And stronger. Today he is talking with his friend Brad Potter, he looked like Jason Statham, but with more hair. About their quest to take down the evil magician darklord Diablu. "Diablu has to be stopped." "Yes he is a really bad guy." "I dont like him." "And he kidnapped my wife." They said that to each other while looking angry. Yes the evil bad guy Diablu had taken Brad's wife and terrorised the people in their village. Brad's wife looked like Megan Fox, but with bigger lips and boobs. They now had to travel to his evil black castle in the land of terror.

want to know more? Yes I know you want.

they travelled on horses, white horses, white horns like unicorns. No wait. Dragons, they travelled their on dragons, with horns, they were called Uniworms. Then they sat down and had a camp with a fire. Evil (big) Orcs with rusty poison swords attacked them. 100 hundred of them, like against Aragorn in the lord of the rings movie. "Only one hundred, this will be easy." "You don't need help." They said to each other and to the Orcs. Then they killed all the Orcs. Except one that they wanted to question. "Why are you only one hundred?" They asked. "Because we live in a volcanic wasteland with no food." the Orc answered in an Orc accent. Then they killed him, he had told them all he knew. then they walked towards the volcanic wasteland.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old February 5th, 2010, 22:09
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old February 5th, 2010, 22:14
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Sounds exciting! I want to know more about the volcanic wasteland. Does it have zombies? Please, let there be zombies. Preferably atomic zombies, with eyes that glow in the dark for maximum dramatic effect when the lights are out and we're lulled into a false sense of security.

Also, does the story have a name yet?

"Only in the darkness can you see the stars."
~Martin Luther King Jr.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old February 25th, 2010, 12:26
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Im glad you like writing Johann. Maybe you could be a little more aggresive in your writing style... Something like this:

THE SUICIDAL DRIVER


I cannot withstand this traffic torture anymore. My tolerance for my girlfriends whining is dropping dangerously low. The world around me starts caving in as I look at all the expressions of the drivers around me. Their sickness is felt, the stench, the cigarette buds they throw out their windows. The hooting grows louder yet while I steadily grind my teeth. The girlfriend cannot shut close here constantly yapping aperture while I quietly fantasize tearing her hair out. The radio station plays a valentines day call in with a hairdressing pacifist homo whos laughing rings in my head as if his sick spit spews out the speakers. I switch stations only to be met with liberal propaganda. Even roling the window down due to the aircon failure and 35+ heat yields no freedom for I am imediately met with a pamphlet promoting pseudo medicinal techniques for inceasing penis size. Only clutch control works in such disastrous congestion but without the driver behind honking his horn as if he could actually gain in advance. The mental intolerance begins to manifest into the physical as I sweat and palpitate. Not even looking away from the tunnel vision of congested cars gives any escape from reality. Looking at the street pole adds, my eyes are greeted by The Daily Sun headlines: "Woman marries Coffin", "Man Has Intercourse With Donkey", "Mother Eats Child, Age Two". My space starts running out, my autonomy being pissed upon. The chatting grows louder yet while I try to think for a single minute on how to finish tomorrows assignment. If I had this happen again, ill pull out my Desert Eagle .50 cal Action Express, calmly load a jacketed hollow point round, a round that breaks all Geneva conventions. Ill then engage the car horn furiously so that I attract everyones attention. When I finally have everybodies unmitigated attention of all drivers and their kids in the back seats, ill proceed to blow my brains out right in the middle of peak noon traffic. In front of all to see and the overhead traffic helicopter to record.

Now my helmet's on, you can't tell me I'm not in space
With the National Guard United States Enterprise
Diplomat of swing with aliens at my feet
Coming down the rampart through beam on the street

~ Kool Keith
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old March 10th, 2010, 04:20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johan View Post
Here you get a excert from my latest story...
let me see if i can patch it up for ya, i'm not a writer by any stretch of the imagination and i did this in 10 mintes so the grammar is wrong and i haven' had time to put in the details so dont make fun

The smell of alcohol inside the worn down tavern is thick enough to intoxicate the inexperienced; whether with alcohol or with life in general. The different brands of cigarette smoke collaborate like rain clouds, brewing trouble. The wooden fan on the ceiling only makes the smoke even more agitated, stirring and spreading it above everyone’s head. In particularly uneasy is a young man in a regular get up blending into the water washed background. He knows his partner is sitting at another table somewhere, but it’s hard to make out where he is through the tobacco fog.

The young man can’t be more than 22 by the looks of his facial hair, you know the baby facial hair that grows on the face of a teenager; the kind that almost look like a mustache but too soft to be the real thing.

And it’s planted right on his face, sticking out like a sore thumb, a bit like his very presence within this tavern. It wasn’t just his teenage features that give it away; it was his gesture, his anxiousness, and his pulsating heart, oh that pulsating heart is restless like the wooden fan that continues to whirl above him. This is the first time a fan has make him uncomfortable in the hot climate; his heighten senses from his fear makes it almost intolerable as if the fan is an eye staring at him; watching his every move, and his only comfort is to know that his partner is somewhere in the room, and he can feel the the handle of his gun with a tight enough grip to crack the peanuts shells that sits on the table even more comfortably than him. Unfortunately the young detective realized what his partner said to him right before coming here, was indeed true “Your gun is going to be the only thing you can trust once we are inside.” Great, he thinks to himself, the gun that he’s only shot in training against paper Mache figures that were already lifeless before the bullet punctures its way into the target.

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Last edited by The F.I.F.A. President; March 10th, 2010 at 04:48.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old March 10th, 2010, 04:21
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He’s here to keep surveillance a man named Luke Stormbringer, in fact he’s been studying him for the past 2 years down to the most minor detail. The peculiar name of Stormbringer is coincidentally the same as the aircraft where the man who was supposed to bring salvation to mankind boaded, and then crashed mysteriously. “Great family name, ‘Stormbringer’ leading to the death of mankind’s salvation, irony at its best", he would always mock as his own name after the alledged accident.


Truth be told his journey weren't always entirely disastrous; he’s had his share of heart breaks and failures, but his soft round eyes and mild mannerisms has brought him fortune if you asked the women he’s had in the Southwest side of the town. His hair dark unfazed by the sands of the desert; his deep telling eyes penetrating yet soulful, and his chiseled jaw line makes him look as rugged as his reputation. He has a long and bumpy nose and he love wearing his melting smile as much as he loves his cowboy hat, he is proud of that smile, one that got him out of more jams than his duel chrone revolver situated on his waist just as he likes it.

He’s a man of action, anyone with a keen eye can tell by the rough surface on his knuckles, in fact, he seems to have enjoyed being in the center of the action. The young detective continues to scan his target, "No ring", observed the young detective, “Just like the files says” he thought to himself.

Since the tragic end to Stormbring’s wife, the covenant of marriage was too heavy a burden to bear even for a great man like Luke Stormbringer, if anyone who deserves to lose faith with the idea of perfection, a ring, unbreakable circular unity, it was Luke. He knew after loosing her he could never be perfect again.

After seeing the real Stormbringer being the personification of documents he’s studied for this assignment, the young detective felt more relaxed, as if a student frantic before the exam but finding relieve when the test has identical questions on the materials he studied. But his eyes haven’t relaxed; stalking its prey almost unblinkingly, he was inexperienced, but never careless.

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Last edited by The F.I.F.A. President; March 10th, 2010 at 04:44.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old March 10th, 2010, 05:16
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As far as he's concerned he's got 3 powerful allies at his disposal: his gun that he never fired at a real person, a vast amount of random facts about this supposedly dangerous man, and a partner that is somewhere around the room doing something; the man who the people at the department call him 'the interceptor' because he comes in at the right place at the right time and always doing the right thing. When the situation goes sour, you can count on the interceptor to turn it all around. He was a man with little words but he was the most experienced, the most deadly, and the most dedicated. He knew all the tricks there is to know for man hunting, and he is certainly the finest the department has to offer and therefore was the best mentor to a police chief's son, such as himself. The more he thought about his 3 friends the more easy he felt, the assignment turned out to just a hype, he thought.


But unbeknownst to him about 15 feet away, through the cigarett and the noise, the people and their story telling voices, the interceptor sits almost lifelessly at his chair staring at the man who fatally wounded him by a 6 inch blade still pierced through his skin all the way into his right lung, as the blood accumulate and air moving into his collasping lung, his last words were to the young detective who will never hear were...


"RUN"

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Last edited by The F.I.F.A. President; March 10th, 2010 at 05:24.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old March 17th, 2010, 00:01
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WTF that's shit, bring back Johan's efforts

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old March 17th, 2010, 20:17
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Just filling out some details

nothing can top Johan's originals

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old March 18th, 2010, 03:35
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I'm currently working on a screenplay but the bloody thing is quite absurd. No matter what I try I'm back to one particular spot: Surrealism. Dreams within a dream etc...

It's not bad as it is, a David Lynch vehicle perhaps but I'm not a fan of these movies since they only mean something to the writer/director and the audience (despite what they say) are being pretentious pompous twits by pretending they understand and drew some meaning from it.

The bloody thing doesn't even make sense to me properly but it's quite cool in that absurd way.

I wanna write awesomely, what should I do?
Keep writing more fictional stories until they get awesome. The funniest one was about you getting laid. :dielaugh:

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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old March 18th, 2010, 03:56
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It's not bad as it is, a David Lynch vehicle perhaps but I'm not a fan of these movies since they only mean something to the writer/director and the audience (despite what they say) are being pretentious pompous twits by pretending they understand and drew some meaning from it.

The bloody thing doesn't even make sense to me properly but it's quite cool in that absurd way.

I wanna write awesomely, what should I do?

It works though, when you make something so abstract that people have to draw conclusions based on their interpretation. It can be considered as a masterpiece, but yea, it's really annoying.


just lay out the rough draft, i will fill in the details since you helped me on the love advice, i will repay you, MASTER~

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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old March 19th, 2010, 15:52
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I have feelings too you know
Just coz AC360 rocks doesn't mean he's made of stone.

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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old March 19th, 2010, 16:26 Thread Starter
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I wanna write awesomely, what should I do?
copy the work of all writers into one book.
also, make it more awesome.
Like in my story all the ladies got bigger bobbies than in other stories. Asses too to cater to more tastes.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old March 21st, 2010, 17:14
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Dude, I have feelings too you know.
Okay, fine. I apologize.

Btw, is it me or are you using this smiley a lot nowadays: Cuz it's actually pretty good.

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These last years after the CL win I noticed when following the Inter online community that many fans have turned into cvcksuckers.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old March 31st, 2010, 23:46
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Looks like somebody has a crush.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old April 2nd, 2010, 15:03
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Is it frowned upon to fancy your pupils?
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old April 9th, 2010, 12:16 Thread Starter
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Maybe you can offer an awesome advise that I could pass on which will remedy her lack of creativity? :hopeful:
Yes. Just do the opposite of what you were doing, that is really creative. She could make a story about a family with a dysfunctional girl. In space.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old April 13th, 2010, 00:10
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Feel free to share some of your writings Lucky. I have doubts it will surpass all our expections as it did with all your intellectual writer's group buddies.

THOSE WHO FORGET THE PAST HAVE NO FUTURE

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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old April 17th, 2010, 17:22
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Being patient pays off I guess, she does have a hidden talent after all. The girl is a bloody amazing actress, the amazing part has to be emphasized.
do we know her? have we seen her somewhere

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